


Just In Time

by KieraRutherford



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Christmas Cookies, Christmas Fluff, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-09-14 20:08:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16919556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KieraRutherford/pseuds/KieraRutherford
Summary: Christmas is upon them once more, and this year Cullen offered to help bake some cookies for his daughter's school. It was supposed to be a simple bake sale, but when a beautiful woman arrives and shows interest in more than his cookies, Cullen can't resist. Tis the season for miracles, and boy does he need one. Coming to terms with his lyrium caused disability he doesn't believe he's worthy of her. But she'll show him that she arrived in his life Just In Time.





	1. Cookies

Folding the egg whites into his flour mixture Cullen dabbed at his forehead, smearing a line of white powder along the way. Jessica’s school bake sale was tomorrow and between shopping in the chaos that was the holiday season and keeping his precious little angel out of the kitchen, he was sweating to death. “Jess, hun, how’s your homework coming?” Yelling over the sound of the stand mixer he started to pipe his batter onto his cookie sheets. “Dad, I’m nearly done. Do you need a hand? You should sit down.” Jessica came rushing into the kitchen. Her golden hair a mess as she tried to pull the bounty of coils back into a pony tail. “Let me get the dishes started.” 

“Thank you, baby girl.” Cullen smiled as he reached for the glass of ice water. His shakes had come back, and he was struggling to keep it together. While the withdrawals had run their course, years of lyrium use had addled his body. Damaging the nerves in his back and causing chronic pain, along with weakness of his extremities. He tried his hardest to keep it from Jessica, she was only ten years old and such a tender soul that he couldn’t bare it. 

“Dad, you need to take a break. Please.” Jessica carefully wrapped her arms around her father’s waist. “You are amazing dad, but you can’t tackle it all at once.” Taking the piping bag from his hand she finished the last of the batter. “It needs to sit for half an hour before you can bake it. That’s what the recipe says. Come on, sit down.” Guiding him from the oven she helped him settle into the couch. “Have you taken you pills dad? Here, let me get your water.”

“You’re too much for me.” He sighed as he eased his aching body into the couch. “Half an hour. Then I have to get back to my baking. Those cookies won’t bake themselves and they’re all due tomorrow.” Hanging his head, he took a sip of his water. “I’m sorry Jess.”

“Dad, don’t you start this again.” Jessica leaned over and wiped Cullen’s forehead with a towel before pressing a tender kiss upon his brow. “You’re the best dad, ever!” Plunking down on the couch beside him she wrapped her arms around him before reaching for the remote control. “Now, White Christmas is going to be on any second now and I know how much you love it.”

“You’re too good to me kiddo.” Cullen snuggled her tight as they cozied in. Soon Cullen could feel his body begin to relax, as they enjoyed their usual Christmas movie. As the movie wound down and the song White Christmas played, Cullen carefully rose. “Time to finish that baking. How are the decorations coming?”

“I’ve got the red and green ring chains done. The Styrofoam snowmen are drying. Got the cookie signs done, so just need to make a couple pretty paintings.” Beaming at her work she rushed back over to the table, her craft projects neatly organized over half of it. “What do you think dad?”

“Amazing as always,” ruffling her hair he chuckled. “Now, let’s get this all baked off, so it can cool, and we can package it all up.” Pacing off to the kitchen Cullen began to hum away as he turned the oven on and began setting up the next trays. After a couple hours the pair had finished and as Cullen stacked the last of the dishes in the drying rack, he checked the time, “hey kiddo, want to order pizza?”

“Sounds good dad.” 

Cullen relaxed back into the couch, flipping through his phone he ordered their usual from the same place they always did. Dinner was quiet, and Cullen was exhausted. Sleep didn’t come easily despite how tired he was. Tossing and turning his nerves lit up and sparked across his spine, causing the muscles in his arms and legs to twitch randomly. Finally, out of frustration he rose and walked to the kitchen. Pouring himself a cold glass of water, he debated taking something to help him sleep. He hated the idea that he couldn’t just do it on his own. Staring at the containers upon the kitchen table he ran his hand through his hair. He needed to be up in less than five hours to get ready and head over to the school to set up. “Maker’s breath.” He grumbled as he drank down the last of his water. 

Trudging back to bed he found the water and brief walk aided in calming his nerves. Curling up into bed in focused on his breathing, taking in a long deep breath and holding it for a three count before letting it out. As his body calmed, his mind followed and shortly he fell asleep. 

Morning came all too soon, and he jumped into the shower, hoping the water would stave off the worst of it. As the hot droplets rolled over him, he caught the click of the bathroom door. “Morning kiddo.” He tried to sound more chirper than he felt. His voice echoed through the small bathroom, steam fogged up the window and adding another layer to the frosted shower doors. “Morning dad. Did you sleep well?” 

“All good kiddo. How’d you sleep? Ready for the bake sale?” 

“Yep. Just washing up then I’ll get dressed.” Grabbing her toothbrush, she went about getting ready to go as he finished washing and rinsing his hair. He waited for her to finish before he turned off the shower and reached for his towel. Padding off to his bedroom, he went through his usual routine when he was set to go out. Applying a bit of product to his hair to tame his curls back and away from his face. Checking himself over in the mirror he ran his hands down the day-old stubble. He would normally prefer a straight blade to remove the light dusting of hair, but his hands were shaking too much to trust he would remain nick free. Looking at his electric razor he grumbled. It always left his face burnt and tender. A side effect of his detox; sensitive skin. With little other choice put the razor away and slapped some lotion on his face calling it a day. 

“Looking good dad,” Jessica smiled in the doorway of his room. “You hungry? I can put some bread in the toaster for you. Coffee?”

Chuckling he turned and held his arms out, waiting for her to come into his embrace. “You are too good to me.” Stepping into his arms Jessica chuckled, “hey we have to stick together. Right dad?”

“Always.” Kissing the top of her head he sighed. She was a special girl, and he was so proud of her. “Come on, we better get a move on. We still have to set up our table.” Giving her a final squeeze, he backed up and gave her a playful wink. “My special elf.”

“Dad.” Jessica mockingly moaned before she broke into laughter. “Hurry up.” 

Grabbing a quick cup of coffee and a bite to eat they packed their decorations and baked goods into the back of their car and headed off towards her school. Many of the vendors had already begun setting up when they arrived, and Cullen had to smile at the effort. All the proceeds were going towards the school and funding an expensive field trip. 

Jessica began setting up the tablecloth, then arranging her decorations and signs. Cullen worked on putting out the cookies, home made chocolate chip, oatmeal, snickerdoodles and his best attempt at the latest trend; macarons. “Looks good kiddo,” he beamed standing back to admire their handy work. “Mom would be proud.”

“I know dad.” Putting an arm around him she squeeze him before going back to nitpick at her layout. Watching her, he missed the doors opening to the public. Coming around the table his eyes instantly caught the tall, fiery red head as she walked in the doors. She stuck out like a sore thumb against the sea of parents in their mom jeans, and track pants. With her back straight and head back she looked intimidating, in charge as she calmly strolled from table to table. Her knee length cream coloured petticoat was lined with a shearling. She glowed, her bronze skin shimmered under the florescent lights of the school gymnasium. As she drew closer, he couldn’t help but stare. With her high cheekbones, and thick ruby red lips he had to blink a few times. He couldn’t believe she was real. 

“Dad?” Jessica jabbed him in the ribs, “Mrs. Flissa wants a two of each. She’s already put her coupons in the box.” 

“Right, sorry.” Opening up a brown paper bag he took the set of tongs he’d brought and carefully placed the cookies in the bag. “Merry Christmas Mrs. Flissa.” He smiled wide as he handed her the bag. Trying to clear his head he notice the strange woman was gone. Frowning he sat back down in his chair, trying to remember this was all for charity. For his daughter and the school. 

“Snickerdoodles? I’ve never had a snickerdoodle.” A rich sultry voice snapped his attention straight back up. There before him was the stunning mystery woman. “Oh uh…” he turned into a bumbling fluster instantly. “A snickerdoodle is like a fluffy sugar cookie, that’s rolled in cinnamon sugar.” Jessica smiled as she subtly poke Cullen in the side. “How did you hear about our bake sale today?”

“My niece goes to this school and told me I had to come.” She held a wide smile upon her face. “I heard there was a talented young lady that would be bringing macarons today. I absolutely adore them.”

“My dad made them, but I helped.” Jessica was beaming from ear to ear as she bobbed from foot to foot. “This is him here. My dad Cullen.” Waving over to her dad, he instantly picked up where she took off and extended his hand. “Diana Trevelyan, lovely to meet you.” Cullen lost himself in the depths of her forest green eyes. “Would you care for some?” 

“Please,” she nodded as she reached for her coupons. “I would like half a dozen macarons and I’ll take two snickerdoodles. I have faith in the baker.” Winking she counted out her coupons and dropped them into the box. 

Gathering his brain up he managed to correctly portion out the cookies into a brown paper bag. “There you are Ms. Trevelyan.” Handing her the bag he paused, “what grade is your niece?”

“Dad! You know her! It’s my best friend, Jasmine. Remember?” Jessica huffed and pouted. “Ms. Trevelyan, are you coming to the Christmas concert next week? Jasmine and I are doing a dance to the sugar plum fairies!”

“Of course. Save me a seat, Mr.?”

“Rutherford. I’m sorry, I’m not very good at introductions it seems.” Cullen flushed bright red as he ran his hand over the back of his neck. “I can definitely save you a seat.”

“Perfect. Here,” pulling a card from her pocket she flicked it towards him, held tightly between her perfectly manicured fingers. “That’s my cellphone number. If you could just send me a reminder text, I would appreciate it.” 

“Oh, definitely. I will.” Cullen nodded quickly as he reached for his wallet to place the card inside. “Can’t wait to see you there.” 

“Same.” Pressing her lips together she gave a little wave to Jessica, “I’ll let you get back to the hard work. Thank you for the cookies.” 

“Let me know if you like them. I’m new to making macarons but Jessica insisted on them.” He hoped she’d stick around, if not just for a few more moments. “Well, I guess you’ll have to text me sooner then, so I can reply properly. Merry Christmas Jessica, Mr. Rutherford.” Tipping her head, she turned and was gone amongst the crowd.


	2. Charity

The rest of the morning seemed to drag up till the end of the bake sale, but when it was done there was barely a dozen cookies left. Packaging it up Cullen couldn’t get his mind off Diana Trevelyan. “Dad?” Jessica waved her hand before his eyes. “I have a total for the coupons. Can you double check it for me?” 

“Right, right.” Giving his head a little rattle, he took the pile of coupons and began sorting through them. After double checking his count he nodded and signed off on the paperwork. “All good. Your math is coming a long way.”

“Thank dad! Jasmine and I have been working together. Teacher says we’re going to get A’s by the end of the year.” Jessica beamed wide as she collected the baggy. “I’ll go give this to Mr. Teagan.” Skipping away she made headed towards the collection area. With Jessica safely out of sight Cullen pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and the card from his wallet. Nervously he added Diana as a contacts. Staring at the screen he locked up. What was he going to say? It had only been a couple hours since she picked up her cookies. Would she have eaten them by now? Biting his lip, he shut the screen off and stashed it back into his pocket. 

“Cullen, glad to see you could come out. How are you feeling?” Dorian walked over, after finishing clearing down his own table. “It’s a good day. How are you doing? Seems you nearly sold out.” Cullen rose and excepted the hug from Dorian. “I noticed Bull was greeting people at the door. It’s good to see you two out. Rory is one lucky kid to have you two.” 

“I’m excited to be welcomed by the community. Bull did most of the baking, he has a gift in the kitchen.” Smiling wide Dorian pointed out towards Jessica and Rory. “I’m also excited to see they are good friends.” 

“She speaks highly of Rory.” Cullen nodded, “very highly. Makes me wonder.”

“Oh, don’t you start that!” Dorian grumbled. “He’s too young for that silliness.” Crossing his arms dramatically Dorian let out a long sigh, “but I am glad he gets to enjoy himself. Tis the seasons I suppose.” 

“That’s the spirit.” Bull came waltzing over, wrapping Dorian up in his arms. “Kadan, Rory is quite the little charmer. Look at him. Takes after you.”

“Amatus, you flatter me.” Dorian’s cheeks tinted softly as he waved Bull off. “Are we all set to head out? I think Rory deserves a good lunch.” Cupping Bull’s jaw from behind Dorian half purred as Bull pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll get him. Good seeing you again Cullen. We should have coffee soon.” Bull said before he calmly strolled towards Rory and Jessica. 

Dorian turned to Cullen as soon as Bull was out of ear shot. “We’re doing a gift exchange in a week. I do hope you’ll be there. I sent the invitations out and haven’t heard back from you. Are you alright?” 

“Ya, ya you know how it is.” Cullen flashed a weak smile as Dorian shook his head. “What?”

“Ever since Bethany died, you haven’t been the same. This is the first time I’ve seen you out. It’s been a year.” Dorian rested his hand upon Cullen’s shoulder. “After everything you’ve been through, you shouldn’t be alone.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he looked up to see Jessica, Rory and Bull playing in the corner. “Dorian, you’ve been my dearest friend for years. You know my issues. I… I have permanent nerve damage. It was just diagnosed three months ago. I guess I’m still learning to deal with it. Beth… It was hard, but I’ve come to terms with it.” Reaching up he squeezed Dorian’s hand. “I haven’t really talked about it. Coffee sounds like it’s long overdue. Why don’t you and Bull swing over to my place tomorrow? Jessica and Rory can have a bit of a play date. Meet me for lunch?” 

“We’ll bring some lunch and coffee. I know what you like.” Dorian’s smile widened as he removed his hand from Cullen’s shoulder. “Looks like they’re ready to say goodbye. Come, we’ll help you load up your car.” Together they collected their coats and the items from their tables. Heading out into the parking lot Cullen smiled as the snow softly began to tumble from the sky. “Beautiful.”

“It is isn’t it.” Jessica sighed. “It looks like glitter as it comes down.” With a wide smile upon her lips, Jessica was humming a Christmas carol as she got herself into her booster seat and buckled herself in. Cullen finished his goodbyes with Dorian and Bull before getting into the car. Hitting the push start he sighed out long and silently, waiting for them to pull out of the parking spot. 

Heading straight home, he was silent while Jessica sang away to the carols on the radio. Arriving back home, Cullen waved her inside, “did you finish your letter to Santa? We need to mail that out before too much longer here. We’re running out of time.” 

“I’ll start it now.” Jessica burst into the house, and Cullen gave her a soft reminder to take off her boots and hang up her jacket. As she rushed off to her room Cullen sank into the couch. His nerves were firing again, and he could feel the fire crackling under his skin in pulses. Closing his eyes, he tried to push the feeling aside, tried to focus on other things, including making something for lunch and then planning out dinner. 

Rising he began to work away in the kitchen, making lunch and doing the bit of dishes from breakfast he remembered Diana. Again, pulling out his phone he paused. It was just a little after one in the afternoon. Was it a good time to text? Groaning heavily, he wasn’t sure how to proceed. It had been a year since his wife passed away and he’d been with her for 10 years before her unexpected death. After all that time he had no idea how to go about this. What was the socially expectable method? Was it too soon to text her? Unsure and nervous he opened up a fresh message and began to type. “Ms. Trevelyan, this is Cullen Rutherford from the bake sale today. I hope you enjoyed the cookies and look forward to hearing from you soon.” Reading it over half a dozen times he closed his eyes and hit send. Quickly flipping his phone over he focused on getting the dishes washed and drying in the rack. It was better than staring at the screen. 

Finishing the dishes, he threw together a quick light lunch. Calling Jessica to come eat he caught the faint vibration of his phone as it wiggled on the counter. Maintaining a calm demeanor he plated up her food and set it on the table before he went back to check it. Lifting it up he didn’t want to look, didn’t want to know if she thought he was a complete creep. ‘Tear it off like a band aid Rutherford, you’re a big boy.’ He chastised himself as he flicked the screen to life. Sitting there was a message from Diana. Swiping his finger across the screen he held his breath. “They were some of the best macrons I’ve ever had. Well done Mr. Rutherford. Also, the snicker-doodles were a delight I wasn’t expecting. I would love to get the recipe from you. Maybe over coffee?”

Cullen’s jaw just about hit the floor. Pacing back and forth in the kitchen he didn’t know how to respond. Should he message right away or wait? Waiting seemed rude. ‘I’d love to. Name a time and place, I’ll be more than happy to meet you.’ Typing it faster than his brain could process it, he sent it off. Again, his nerves were frayed as he set it upon the counter. “Dad, have you eaten?” Jessica called from the living room. “You need to eat. Have you taken your pills?” 

“Thank you for reminding me. Eat your lunch. How’s your letter to Santa coming?” Trying to keep a straight face he poured himself a glass of water and grabbed his pills. Nodding and showing Jessica his pills, he popped them in his mouth and washed them down with the glass of water. Setting it on the counter he caught the buzz of his phone. There was a childish giddiness that flittered through his belly as he reached for his cellphone. Drawing in a calming breath he steadied himself as he slipped his finger over the screen. “I’ve got plans tomorrow. Would the day after be alright? There’s this cute little coffee shop by me. I can text you the address. Say lunch?”

He could barely contain himself. Looking up to peek at Jessica he was relieved to see she wasn’t paying him any mind. Tomorrow was Sunday, he’d have coffee with Bull and Dorian while Rory and Jessica played. Monday, he would have a chance to meet Diana for lunch, alone. “I’d like that. Send me the address and I’ll meet you there Monday, for lunch.” Shooting off the message he felt light as a feather. With a bounce in his step he went about the few things he needed to do. 

Again, the buzz of his phone drew his immediate attention. “Perfect. Here’s the address. I can’t wait to see you.” With those few words he was on cloud nine, until he caught a reflection of himself in the polished steel kettle on the back of the stove. His looked tired. The rings about his eyes were heavy, and the pallor of his skin was near ashen. “Jess?” He turned to see his daughter watching him with a grin on her face. “Do I look tired?”

“A bit. Nothing a good night’s rest won’t cure dad. What’s going on?” She had a sweet, innocent smile that was anything but innocent. “Nothing baby girl. Uncle Dorian and Uncle Bull are coming over tomorrow for coffee with Rory. It’s shower night. Why don’t you go for one now and we can start dinner in a bit? You have that book due Thursday.” Seeing her groan, he snickered, “come on now, stiff upper lip.” Patting her on the shoulder as she walked by, he wondered if he could wash away the sleepy look upon his face. 

With the kitchen and living room to himself, he paced about, picking up the odd toy and sock here and there before finding himself with nothing more to do. Heading back into the kitchen he pulled down his box of family recipes. Christmas was two weeks away and it was a family tradition to bake certain things before Christmas day and one on Christmas Eve. Pulling out a pad of paper he began writing down the ingredients he’d need to get through the holidays. There was a renewed spirit about him, something that burst to life as he flipped page after page, catching himself humming along to White Christmas. 

With his list ready he caught the click of the shower as Jessica went about her washing. Looking through the pages he noted a couple chilled dough recipes and began tugging out ingredients. By the time Jessica got out of the shower, toweled off and dressed he was washing up the few dishes in the sink. “Baking again dad?” Jessica bounced into the kitchen. “It smells good.”

“More cookie dough, and buns and some scones.” He flushed pink. “I guess I’m in the mood to bake tonight.” 

“It’s Christmas dad, you always bake for Christmas.” Wrapping her arms around him she stepped onto the stool beside him and kissed his cheek. “What’s for dinner?”

“I haven’t thought about it, why don’t we pick something out together.” Kissing her forehead back they chatted and carried on their nightly routine. Dinner took the usual amount of time and together they cleaned up the dishes. Jessica yawned loudly, and Cullen chuckled. “Go brush your teeth and then we can read your book.” 

“Okay,” Jessica rubbed her eyes as she rose from the couch and plodded off towards the bathroom. Checking his phone again, he had a message from Dorian looking forward to seeing him and chatting. Returning his words and letting him know he was good for visitors after 11 am he clicked his phone to do not disturb and waited for Jessica to come back. Poking her head around the corner she waved him over to her room. By the time he reached her, she was sitting up in her bed with her book in hand. Taking it, he settled into the chair by her bed and began reading out loud from the last section they were at. Within a few minutes Jessica was sound asleep. Kissing her forehead one last time, he tucked her in and placed the book back upon her shelf. Turning her lamp off he quietly shut the door behind himself. 

Cullen paced towards the kitchen, where he kept his plethora of medicine. He’d tried it all, except for the more potent opioids, those he’d flat out refused. Tonight, he was going to try something new. Anything at this point just to get some rest and sleep through the night. His doctor had recommended that he try medical marijuana. While he was initially apposed to the idea, his doctor had pushed saying it was at least worth a try. With a small sample bottle in hand he wasn’t entirely sure what to expect. He’d seen people use it before, smoke it and come out ready to eat an entire pizza. “This isn’t anything like that.” His doctor exclaimed. “This is cannabis oil. Better known as CBD. I recommend placing a drop under your tongue and seeing how that feels. Start with only one drop. I’m giving you an Indica strain. It won’t make you hungry, just very drowsy and relaxed. Take it just before you brush your teeth. If it doesn’t work, we’ll move onto something else.” Now holding the small, dark glass bottle in his hand he sighed. It was better than nothing, better than staying away and staring at the ceiling while his entire body felt like something was burning and crawling under his skin. Screwing open the bottle he saw how small the dropper was. “One drop.” He muttered again before squeezing the rubber tip. Taking in one last deep breath he placed his tongue against the roof of his mouth and dropped one small drop to the exposed pink underside. Closing his mouth, he wasn’t sure about the sensation playing in his throat and mouth, the slight tingling as he swallowed. Screwing the lid back on he placed it up and calmly went about shutting off the lights and locking up for the evening. By the time he made it to his room he felt like he was ready to fall asleep. 

Pulling the blankets back his eyelids felt like they were made of heavy stone and his limbs were light. Stripping down he half stumbled pulling on his sleeping pants. By the time he got into his bed he could barely keep his eyes open. The last sensation he had was of the cool cotton pillow case cupping his face in the thick batten pillow. 

He was up before his alarm went off and felt fresh and crisp. Stretching he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. Grabbing his phone, he quickly dialed his doctor’s number. Knowing the office was closed he didn’t care, he left a voice mail letting him know that the oil worked. He’d slept the whole night through without waking from pain or numbness. Walking out into the living room, it was quiet. Jessica was still asleep in her bed. Entering the kitchen, he made himself a coffee and started mixing ingredients for homemade pancakes. Something they enjoyed every Sunday morning. Being in a refreshed, fun mood he added a bit of mini chocolate chips as a surprise. Leaving the batter to rest a moment he enjoyed some more coffee, while checking his emails and messages. There was an email from his caseworker, letting him know he was permanently disabled and due to his condition unable to work. It took the wind right out of his sails. Huffing he plunked down into the dining room chair. “Merry Christmas to me.” Resting his face upon his palm he let the news slowly sink in.


	3. Moving Forward

He hid it from Jessica as she came out of her room, her hair a tangled mess about her head. “Get your brush, we’ll tame that mane of yours.” Forcing a smile to his lips he felt like he’d betrayed her, failed her and with only a few weeks till Christmas he was terrified he’d ruin it. While lost in his thoughts, she’d collected her brush and the detangling spray. Being as careful as he could he worked through the tangled mess until it was back to it’s usually bouncing ringlets. With that task finished he waved her to go get dressed into her play clothes and wash up. Turning back to his kitchen he began warming up his pan to start cooking off his pancakes. 

“Dad? When is Rory coming over?”

“About an hour or so. You slept in sweetie.” Cullen chuckled, still feeling good. Catching himself in the reflection of the kettle he noticed a brightness to his eyes and colour in his cheeks. It was a start. “Jess. I have something I need to tell you.” Drawing in a deep breath he waited for her to come back into the living room and take a seat at the table. “The doctors got back to me. I have good news and bad news.” 

“Give me the bad first.” Jessica’s little face scrunched up into a mirror image of his focused look and he couldn’t help but instantly feel disarmed by the cuteness of it. “Jess, I’ve been diagnosed as disabled. Permanently. So, I won’t be going back to work.” 

“That’s not bad news dad!” Jessica flew up out of her chair and rushed over to wrap her arms around him. “That means I get to spend more time with you! I think that’s awesome news.” 

With words like that he couldn’t help the smile that rose to his lips and the warm feeling that bubbled up in his chest. “You know what, I think you’re right.” Squeezing her back he let out a long gush of air. “You’re the best thing to ever happen to me. My sweet baby girl.” Patting her shoulder, he quickly reached over and flipped the pancake. “I have a surprise. We’re going to have chocolate chip pancakes.” 

“You are the best dad ever!” Jessica shouted as she bounced up and down. “I’ll get the syrup.” 

Cullen smiled as he tried to let it go, “don’t forget there is the Christmas mass coming up. Do you remember your part in the school play?” He was busy trying to focus on anything, anything other than the news he was useless. Would he have to move them? How could he manage to provide her with the life she deserved as he was? Finishing plating up some of the fresh pancakes for her he placed her plate on the table. “Eat up. Rory and your Uncles will be here before you know it.”

As she munched away at her breakfast Cullen could feel the jitters of his nerves firing randomly. Leaning against the counter he pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew well enough this moment would pass, he just had to ride it out. “Dad…” Jessica’s concerned voice broke his zoned-out moment. “I’m alright sweet heart. Are you done your pancakes?”

“Yes. You’re leaning over the sink.” Jessica’s voice still rang of worry as she passed him her plate. “Are you…”

“I’m fine love. Go get ready for the day.” Smiling weakly, he ruffled her hair before she skipped down the hall to her bedroom. Picking up his phone he fired off a message to Dorian, “could you come sooner? I… I need to talk.” Setting it down he grabbed a glass and dumped some ice inside before filling it with water. Sipping at it slowly he felt the jitters begin to leave him. 

His prayers were answered when Dorian, Bull and Rory showed up fifteen minutes later, a take-out holder filled with coffee cups and a box in his hands. “Come tell me all about it. Rory, you play nicely with Jessica.” Pecking a sweet kiss to Rory’s cheek Dorian waved the boy off. 

The three made their way to the table where Bull eagerly opened the box. Inside sat a dozen muffins. “Didn’t know what you’d like so we bought a bunch. Kids can have one each if they want later too.” Bull smiled as he slid the box over. Cullen’s stomach rumbled, he hadn’t eaten yet the news of the morning still bothering him. Plucking out a chocolate chip muffin he quickly thanked Bull before Dorian caught his eye. 

Drawing in a deep breath Cullen began. Explaining the rounds of tests and then the final verdict. Sliding his cellphone across the table he chewed at his lip as Dorian read through the email. “I’m…. I don’t know what to do.” Running his hands through his hair he took another sip from his coffee, thankful for the small treat. It wasn’t the usual brew but the treat he usually afforded himself when he was down; French vanilla cappuccino. Picking apart the muffin and slowly munching away he watched as Dorian passed the phone to Bull. “Cullen, my dearest friend, you are being a fool. This doesn’t define you and I know you think it does.” Resting his elbows upon the table Dorian shook his head, “how bad is it? Be honest with me.”

“I lose sensation in my hands randomly. Heavy sweats, tingling and the worst is when my nerves are on fire. I have… I have medicine for it, but I’m worried about Jessica. She… she doesn’t…” he choked on the words and Bull instantly laid a hand upon his shoulder. “Hey, you’re doing fine. Take it one day at a time.” Bull gave a firm squeeze before he passed Cullen his phone back. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Beside the holidays are right around the corner. You should be focusing on that.” 

“I know.” Cullen bobbed his head, not looking up from the crumble mess of his muffin. “It’s just… I was hoping I could go back to work. Something, anything, but that email is pretty final.” Slouching in his chair he pushed his paper mug about. “I don’t know what to do. It feel so, final.”

“Maybe it is,” Bull shrugged. “It isn’t what defines you or makes you who you are. You’ll find a way to do what’s needed, it will just have to be a new way.” Licking the blueberry jam off his finger Bull sighed with contentment. “Besides, it’s Christmas. Don’t let it get to you, for Jess’s sake.”

“You’re right.” Cullen puffed as he flipped his phone over. As his screen flashed back on, he caught the note reminding him at this time tomorrow he’d be meeting Diana for lunch. Biting his lip, he quickly flipped it back over. “I saw that,” Dorian huffed as he quickly snatched up Cullen’s phone. “You have a date!”

“It’s not a date.” Cullen’s cheeks tinted a bright red as he cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck. Dorian instantly pounced on it, “who is it? Someone we know? Come now you can’t hold out on us like this.” Putting on a big pouty face he leaned his elbows upon the table. “It’s clear you are interested in the lady.”

“I don’t really know her ok. I met her at the cookie bake sale. She bought half a dozen macrons and a couple snickerdoodles.”

“You remembered her order?” Dorian was grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Oh, she’s special then.” 

“She’s the Aunt of Jessica’s best friend. It was a chance meeting. I… I don’t know if I should go ahead with the coffee tomorrow…” Laying his head in his hands he sighed. “She doesn’t know, and this isn’t fair to level on…”

“Love is love and to be more than frank,” Dorian shot straight back up, brushing some crumbs from his shirt. “You’re going, if Bull and I have to drag you. This is exactly what you need right now. Can you not see this Maker sent blessing?” Dorian looked over to Bull, pleading with him through exaggerated gestures to help. “Dorian’s right,” Bull quickly sat up and swallowed down the last of his muffin. “Just go for it. If it doesn’t work out, you’re right back where you were. No big deal.” 

Cullen chewed the thought over, after all there was some truth to what they were saying. “Why not? I mean, she might not even like me. We could be oil and water.” Nodding absentmindly he picked up his coffee to take a sip, only to find it empty. Shrugging he chuckled, “we should speak of happier things. When is the wedding?”

“Ah redirection, and my only weakness,” Dorian sighed. “I do enjoy talking about me. Particularly since it involves my amatus.” With a tenderness reserved for these private moments Bull and Dorian laced fingers together as Dorian began drowning Cullen in wedding details. He did his best to follow along with Dorian as he gushed about the small details, Bull’s family coming down from Seheron, Dorian’s parents coming as well. His father was getting his license in Ferelden in order to wed them. Cullen had to admit it sounded wonderful and but the end of it, Dorian cleared his throat. “I have a small request from you. If you aren’t too busy that is.” Clearing his throat awkwardly he leaned towards Bull who suddenly seemed more interested in the conversation. “I… ah…”

“What he means Cullen, is he would be honored if you would be his best man.” Bull chuckled warmly as he squeezed Dorian’s hand. “Its at least half a year out, possibly more. We haven’t booked a venue yet, but we thought about it. There isn’t anyone else we’d like to stand by us.”

“What about Krem?” Cullen sat stunned, trying to wrap his head about it. “Krem, he’s going to be my best man, no offense but I doubt you want to take us both on,” Bull puffed up, a cheesy grin upon his face. “Dorian will promise to keep the random craziness to a minimum.”

“Amatus!” Dorian huffed, his blush intensified as he struggled to maintain a look of indignation under Bull’s beaming smile. Flicking his wrist, he looked at the time, “it’s nearly dinner. Did you have plans?” 

“Why don’t we ask the kids? They’ve been really awesome for the last couple hours. Give them a little Christmas treat.” Bull winked as Cullen went to protest, “don’t worry about the money. It’s nothing.” Waving his hand, he rose and calmly paced towards Jessica’s room. Cullen could hear the softer chatter, before two excited children burst into giggles and cheers. Rushing into the room the two continued their excited bouncing as they flooded the room with a garble of thank yous. Cullen couldn’t help but beam at his daughter as she raced up to wrap her arms around Dorian, thanking him as she gave him a playful squeeze, before rushing Cullen. 

With dinner worked out and the kids in full energy mode, Cullen offered to whip up some sugar cookies. He’d left the dough in the fridge from the bake sale and now was a good a time as any. Bull and Dorian each helped clear down the table and get everything set out to roll and cut the cookies. Bull eventually slipped from the chaos to call in dinner before returning to help punch out perfect little reindeers and snowflakes. 

As the cookies bakes the kids gushed over their roles in the Christmas concert. How they practiced and were certain that everyone was going to love their play. Rory went on and on about having to memorize four different songs, and Jessica reminded him about the dance to go with two of them. They laughed and sang as Cullen carefully pulled cookies from the oven and set them aside to cool. 

Merriment continued until after dinner. With a dozen decorated cookies, Dorian and Bull bid Cullen a good night with one quick warning; staying home wasn’t an option. Cullen nervously rubbed at his neck before promising Dorian. With the house empty, and silence beginning to set in, it wasn’t long before Jessica was off to sleep, leaving Cullen to ponder the day. Again, he picked up his phone, looking over the last message from Diana. “Okay, it’s just coffee.” Setting his alarm, he went about his usual evening routine and after tossing about for an hour or, so he finally sunk into a restful sleep.


	4. Just Coffee

He was up before his alarm, laying in bed he felt his stomach roll about. “It’s just coffee.” He grumbled under his breath as he smashed the pillow over his face. Deciding he could no longer stay in bed, he threw on his fluffy house robe and slipped into the kitchen. Jessica would be up in an hour to get ready for school. He’d neglected to make her lunch last night, so he began putting everything together. Cooking her a fresh breakfast of scrambled eggs, sausage and toast he was humming a Christmas carol when Jessica came shuffling out of her room. “You’re up early dad. Oh! Sausage!” Rushing to her seat she rubbed her hands together. “We have to have Uncle Bull and Uncle Dorian over more often.”

Chuckling Cullen passed her plate towards her, “eat up. You have to get dressed and ready for school.” Helping himself they sat to a quiet breakfast before Jessica went about dressing and preparing for the day. Cullen dressed and walked her to her bus stop and watched her load on before walking back to their apartment. Over the next couple hours, he kept checking and double checking the time. There wasn’t much else to do. He’d washed all the dishes, wiped down every surface and made every phone call he needed to. All that was left, was to wait till just a bit before noon and head to the coffee shop. “It’s just coffee.” He grumbled again as he half tossed his cellphone into the couch cushion. Pacing back and forth again he couldn’t get his stomach to settle. Finally deciding fresh air was his answer he grabbed his phone and begrudgingly tucked it into the breast pocket of his jacket before he walked out the door. 

Last night nearly two inches of soft powdered snow had fallen upon the quiet cityscape. There was still so much to do. Dorian and Bull’s party, picking up his small shopping list, and there was always the last day of school. A day he liked to send Jessica into class with a mound of freshly baked confections. Each year a different cookie and each year a group of excited kids looking forward to Christmas. This year he’d planned something simple, a chilled drop cookie that he could whip up a day or two before then bake off easily the night before. It was one last thing to worry about. As his mind raced about the details his feet carried him forward. Down the city streets until he reached Haven Café, the exact spot she’d sent to meet him. Chuckling at it he pulled his hands out of his pocket, flicking his wrist to catch the time upon his watch. Just a few minutes before he was supposed to leave to get to the Café on time. Looking about he couldn’t see anyone familiar. Sighing at his luck he ducked into the front doors only to lose his breath. There she was, sitting in a corner booth, her laptop before her and her entire focus upon its screen as her fingers flew across the keyboard. 

“Merry Christmas!” One of the servers waved at him as she wiped down the display case loaded with sugary goods. “Anything I can get you today sir?”

“Uh, I’ll have a large coffee, double double and…” pausing to scan over the menu his stomach growled. “A sandwich. Recommend anything? Any specials?” He felt his courage begin to grow as the young girl flittered about to make his coffee. “Personally? I love the club sandwich. Comes with choice of fries or side salad. If you want something sweeter, the cheesecake is a sinful substitute. Or dessert after.” She winked at him when she mentioned the cake switch and he couldn’t help the grin across his face. “I’ll take your word about the cheesecake, but the sandwich is more my current speed. Fries are fine.”

“Perfect. Help yourself to a seat and I’ll come hunt you down.” Another wink and she was off towards the kitchen. Cullen looked about himself. The café wasn’t overly busy, still plenty of seats left but he was stuck on whether or not to bother her. Before he could make up his mind, she looked over her laptop and waved him over. 

“Mr. Rutherford! Cullen, was it?” Smiling she rose and began quickly tidying up her papers and work. “Don’t put yourself out on my account.” He chuckled sliding into the booth. “It’s Cullen. What are you doing, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Little bit of work. I’m… I’m a writer. At least I try to be one.” Giggling at her joke she closed her little binder and stuffed it into a bag. “What do you do?”

“Single dad mainly these days.” Wincing he hung his head a bit. “Can I… Can I be honest? I… I am a bit torn here and I think it fair to be honest. I was recently declared fully disabled. I was a templar, and uh… I have permanent nerve damage.” It was like a rush, a flood of things that poured out, but he felt strongly he needed to be honest with her. Tell her upfront he wasn’t what she was looking for and it was best she ran. As far away from him as her feet could carry her. Holding in a long breath he waited for something, anything to happen. “I’m sorry to hear that,” her hand rested on his as she spoke and gave him a squeeze before her hand disappeared again. That moment was bliss. Pure energy causing his cheeks to burn. “Oh!” 

“Were you expecting something else?” She chuckled, placing her laptop in her bag. “Is that the only bomb you feel you have?” Folding her hands neatly upon the table she waited with a blank face. “I… I’m a widower, and that’s it. I guess. I’m a boring man.” Snorting at his joke he sighed heavily. “I am quite shocked you aren’t looking for the nearest exit. Men like me usually spell trouble for beautiful women like you.”

“Beautiful hmm,” Diana smiled brightly, a touch of ruby kissed her cheeks. “I’m a little harder to scare off than most.” Leaning back in her seat she waved catching the waitress’s attention as she brought over Cullen’s plate. “Looks good. I’ll have the same please, side of gravy if you don’t mind.” 

“Of course, darling,” the waitress smiled. “Refill on your coffee?”

“No, I’m good for now. A glass of water with ice please.” As the waitress quickly zipped away Diana tucked some of her scarlet hair back behind her ear. “I will admit I have a nasty habit of chewing ice. Does that make you feel a bit better now?”

“Much, thank you.” Cullen smirked wide. “So, what are you working on? Next Thedas Times best seller?”

“I hope so.” Diana nodded. “Its been hard to get motivated to write or to find something worth putting down on paper. I’ve lost my spark.” Sighing heavily, she gave her head a soft shake. “First bit of inspiration I’ve had in months came when I picked up some of your lovely cookies. You have a talent.”

“You are too kind.” He smiled as he paused. “I’ll wait for your meal to arrive. The fries are much too hot to enjoy right away.”

“You are too kind.” Diana leaned in and swiped a fry off his plate. “Hmmm,” taking a ginger nip she shrugged. “Doesn’t seem too hot to me.” Sitting stunned Cullen finally let out a silent laugh before grabbing one himself. “Seems your right. If you don’t mind, then.”

“By all means. I wouldn’t have you waste away in front of me.” Waving him to eat she tented her elbows on the table. “The Christmas Concert is in what? Three days? My niece is not very good with specifics. She was too excited to share that her class was putting on a small version of a Christmas Carol and she was going to play the ghost of Christmas past. Other than that, I haven’t gotten much out of her.”

“Ah yes,” Cullen covered his mouth with his hand as he finished munching on a fry. “I was confused too. They’re sending home a letter today with the kids. I can send you a text when I have a date and time.”

“Perfect.” Diana sighed just as the server returned with her order. “Let’s take a moment to eat. Can’t think straight on an empty belly.” 

“Too true.” Cullen nodded as they both dug into their meals. Between mouthfuls and sips of coffee they spoke of the school functions, the bake sale, the up coming Christmas concert and the rush of the season. By the end of the meal both were in high spirits. Before long he was looking at the time. “Maker’s breath, I have to be home in half an hour! Jessica will be out of school soon.” Scrambling he paused. “I… I walked here.” 

“Oh! Was it far? I can give you a lift.” Diana reached for the bill and quickly slapped some money into the black sleeve. “It’s no trouble.”

“Are you certain? If I leave now, I should manage.” He didn’t want to admit that the walk had taxed his system and he was nearly at the point of a nervous attack. Coupled with the excitement of the day and waning adrenaline rush he knew for sure he was in for a miserable afternoon. “It would be my pleasure.” She nodded waving him to the door.

Together they strolled out into the afternoon air. In an awkward silence Cullen followed her towards a silver SUV. “Nice car.” He cleared his throat trying to find the right words as she unlocked it and motioned for him to get in. “It was a good deal. Not exactly what I’d like and she’s a bit of a pig on gas but she’s mine.” Patting the dash board Diana sighed. “Alright let’s get you home to your daughter. I don’t want to be the reason she’s left out in the cold.” Smiling she listened to his directions before she carefully pulled out of the parking lot. 

It was a short drive to his apartment and when he arrive, he again felt this awkwardness creep over him. “I… uh… I had a really nice time.”

“Me too.” Diana couldn’t erase the smile from her lips. “I would very much love to do it again.”

“Really? I mean, me too.” Unbuckling he pushed on the door handle. “My schedule is pretty clear these days. Just, let me know when is good for you.”

“I will. And you’ll let me know about the concert?”

“Of course. Tonight, I promise.” Tipping his head, he thanked her again for lunch and quietly made his way to the building door. Pulling his keys out he swiped his fob before looking back, just in time to see her begin to pull out of the driveway. What was this? He wondered. She didn’t run when he blurted out what he was, instead she seemed disinterested. Maybe that was a good thing, or not. Grumbling to himself he collected the mail from the front area lock boxes before heading up the elevator. Jessica would use her own fob to get up, and he wanted to be in the unit when she did. He was full of energy, half skipping from the elevator he went straight to the kitchen. Pulling some ingredients, he went about making a new batch of cookies. 

“Something smells really good dad.” Jessica hummed as she quietly shut the door behind her. “Are you making more cookies?”

“Yes. Some shortbread with toffee bits and mini chocolate chips. I… I just had the urge to make them. If they’re any good, you can take some to school tomorrow.” 

“I have the Christmas concert flyer!” She half shouted as she rushed to the dinning room table. “And a bit of homework.” Pulling it out she set it down beside him before retreated to her textbooks. 

“Monday at six pm.” Continuing to read over the pamphlet he nodded. “You need to be there half an hour early so five thirty. Okay. You teacher says you need two costumes…” groaning he read the last bit. “A sugar plum costume and a ghost costume. Hmm.”

“Rory says Uncle Dorian might have something for those or ideas to make something.” Jessica half beamed as she scribbled away in her note book. Cullen couldn’t argue with that. Grabbing his phone, he went to shoot a message off to Dorian when he caught the message from Diana. “Thank you so much for lunch. I thoroughly enjoyed it and cannot wait to do it again. If you are free this week, I’d love to treat you again. Let me know! Cheers.” Trying not to let the moment distract him he fired a quick reply to Dorian, “call me when you can.”

It wasn’t more than a minute before his phone was ringing. “Hey Dorian, I…”

“Tell me everything and leave nothing out. How did it go? Was it magic? Come now.” Dorian cut him off the eagerness more than clear upon his words. “Dorian, I asked you to call me because Jessica needs two costumes for the play and while I’m decent with a sewing machine, I need an expert’s touch.”

“Say no more. I’ll be over in a jiff with fabric swatches and my sketch book. We have precious little time with the play only a week out.” Dorian said before he hung up. Cullen shook his head, “looks like we’re getting a visit from Uncle Dorian and his book of fabric.”

“Yay!” Jessica bounced about. “I can’t wait.”

Staring down at his phone, and Diana’s message Cullen sighed, “neither can I.”


	5. Dress Rehearsal

Dorian was at Cullen’s place not even fifteen minutes after he ended the call. Immediately he went over ideas with Jessica. Something glitzy and sparky with just the right amount of tulle for her sugarplum fairy costume, and something more subdued and ethereal for her ghost gear. In a blur of motion, he pulled fabric swatches, and began to draw on his tablet. “There my darling, what do you think?” Spinning the screen towards Jessica and Cullen, Dorian was beaming. “I love them!” Jessica began clapping and bouncing in her seat. “Oh dad, I’m going to be the prettiest fairy!”

“Yes, yes you are.” Cullen stared nervously at the drawing. “I… I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Have no fear.” Dorian waved his hand. “Come by the shop tomorrow, and I can help you. While I can’t personally dedicate the time to it, I am more than able to oversee it. I’ll have the pattern printed and ready to cut out tomorrow. Just have to take a few measurements my dear.” Digging through his bag he pulled out a tape measure. “We want this to fit you like a glove.” 

Jessica was all too happy to pose and stand for him as he rapidly fired off measurements, Cullen jotting them down for him. “All done. Now, I’ll pull the fabric tonight, set up your machine and work area, and have the pattern laid out. I have to make Rory two costumes as well. Seems the drama department has gone above and beyond this year.”

“What’s Rory being?” Cullen said as he handed Dorian his papers. “Ah he is to play the ghost of Robert Marley and a toy soldier. One is easy enough, the other, well it’s going to be a button nightmare.” Sighing heavily Dorian waved his hand. “But it is late and there is so much to do. I’ll be expecting you right after Jessica takes her bus. Park around back and ring the buzzer on the door. I’ll get you sorted out right away.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impede.”

“Not at all! My darling niece will have the finest costumes her favorite Uncle and wonderfully devoted father can muster. Now, my darling.” Dorian knelt beside Jessica, with his arms open. “You practice your lines and I will see you soon. Be good for daddy.” Giving her a squeeze he rose and patted Cullen upon the shoulder. “You can talk to me, all day tomorrow.” Winking he collected his bag. “Now, have a perfect evening.” Wiggling his fingers at Jessica he showed himself out. 

Cullen breathed a sigh of relief as Jessica continued to dance about the living room. “Dinner kiddo. Let’s calm down. It’ll be bed time soon enough.”

“I know dad. I’m just really excited to see my costumes!” In a sing song voice, she rushed over to hug him. “I love you dad, you're the best.”

“You too kiddo. Now, let’s get some food going.” 

Dinner was a quiet affair, the days events wearing on both of them once the adrenaline wore off. Clean up was an equally quiet and yawn filled event. As Cullen finished reading her book to her and pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, he made a bee line to the kitchen. Grabbing his phone off charge he typed a message. “The School concert is Monday. I’ll be a bit busy tomorrow getting Jessica’s costume done but would love to meet up for lunch the day after. Wednesday, say same time and place? Unless you have a preference. Let me know. I greatly enjoyed today and look forward to Wednesday.” 

Collecting his medicine, he took his usual dose before heading to wash up. As he finished brushing his teeth, he caught the buzz of his phone on the counter. Flipping it over he grinned wide, “I’d love to. Hope everything is alright. Let me know if you need a hand. Wednesday, same time, same place. I’ll save you a seat.” 

Wiping the towel down his face he sighed. While sleep was clawing at him, he was thankful that she’d replied and was looking forward to it as much as he was. Shutting off the light to the bathroom he quietly slipped down the hall and into his room. All too soon he was sprawled out in bed, fast asleep. 

His sleep was anything but restful. Nightmares plagued his rest, bringing up ghosts well long thought buried. Three times he rose, to wash his face with warm water in the bathroom. Three times he felt the urge to become ill. Three times he questioned why. He thought for sure he was past this point. Past the haunting memories that lingered of his life before Jessica, before his wife saved him. Flopping onto his side he tried again, only to be greeted with her face. Bethany had suddenly become ill. Jessica had only just celebrated her ninth birthday when Bethany began to complain of headaches. Horrible migraines that kept her bed ridden at times. She played them off as nothing, and Cullen was too far into working through his lyrium withdrawal to notice they were becoming more and more frequent. Until he received a panicked call from Jessica, “daddy, mommy isn’t getting out bed. She’s cold.” He would never forget that moment, or that he wasn’t there for her. Popping straight up in bed he ran his hands down his face. “Why do you haunt me?” Groaning he leaned against the tufted headboard.

Closing his eyes, he drew in a deep breath. “It’s not your fault, Mr. Rutherford. There was no way of knowing it was a tumor. No way of preventing it. Once she started to get migraines it was already too late. We’re sorry for your loss.” The doctors had been kind if not a bit overly clinical. Jessica couldn’t and wouldn’t talk for nearly four months. Out of the blue one day she just walked up to him and said, “it wasn’t your fault.” He replayed that memory. “It wasn’t my fault. Bethany, I know you wouldn’t want me to beat myself up about all this. You weren’t like that. It’s my own foolish guilt eating me. And I shouldn’t feel guilty.” Laying back down he settled into his bed. “I promised then and I promise again now. Jessica comes first. Always.” Feeling sleep settle back over him, he wasn’t bothered by any further nightmares. But it did him no favors come morning as his alarm roused him from a solid sleep. Rubbing at his eyes he grumbled and dressed. Jessica was still in bed and he had to wake her three times before she finally got up. “Come on sleepy head you’re going to be late and miss the bus.” Rushing her out the door, she just made it in time.

With his keys in hand, the apartment door locked and Jessica off to school, Cullen drove over to Dorian’s shop. Stopping for a drive thru coffee Cullen was in no mood for today. All he really wanted was to crawl back into bed. Everything ached, and his nerves were firing across his back and into his hands. Pulling into the parking lot he had to focus on his grip to keep hold of the paper mug. “Not my day.” He grumbled as he locked his car up and headed towards the rear door. Hitting the buzzer, he didn’t have to wait for long as Dorian ushered him in. 

Talking a mile, a minute, Dorian pointed out his work area, where everything was located and showed him the printed patterns. “All you need to do is pin it to the material, use the surger and it will stitch it together. Simple enough. I labelled everything for you and did up a diagram. Even had time this morning to set up a mannequin with her measurements. Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.”

“How much?” Cullen sighed slumping into the seat at the sewing machine. “No charge.” Dorian grinned as he patted him on the shoulder. “Take your time. With your skill you could bang this out in a day with all the help I’ve given. Even if it takes two or three, it’ll be done in more than enough time. Breathe. You don’t look well.” Dorian frowned. “Let me get you a bottle of ice water.” Rushing off, Cullen looked over the designs. It was simple enough, if he could just focus past all the nonsense his body was throwing at him. Taking a gulp of hot coffee, he put his head down and began to pin the pattern to the fabric.

Nearly two hours later he had the fairy costume pinned out. “That took way too long.” He growled as he looked at his hands. Several small wounds from where he slipped and jabbed himself were covered in band aids to prevent his blood from wrecking her gown. “I don’t even want to try cutting this.” Hanging his head, he felt defeated. 

“Hey,” Bull’s soft voice nearly startled him out of the chair. “Oh, I didn’t see you come in.”

“Old habits,” Bull shrugged as he pulled a chair up beside him. “Its bad today, isn’t it?” Taking one of Cullen’s hands in his Bull ran his thick finger over his palm, down to the tip of Cullen’s bandaged fingers. “You haven’t eaten yet. Come on, I’m buying.” Half tugging Cullen up they walked to the front and out into the busy daylight. “Pizza over here is pretty good. Hot, quick and satisfying.” Bull waved him over to a small shop a couple door down from Dorian’s. 

Pushing through the door a bell chimed out and Bull was greeted by a tanned, bald headed older gentleman. “Afternoon Dennet, I’ll take my usual with a water. My friend here will have two of your thickest slices of meat lovers with an iced tea. On me.” Bull pulled a few bills from his wallet and smiled as the older gentleman nodded and went about making his order. 

Cullen followed behind Bull towards a small booth, “I’m fine Bull.” He barely mumbled it out as he flopped into the seat. It was a lie. Blatant and sour. Hanging his head, he wanted to cry. “It’s just a costume….”

“Cullen.” Bull reached across the table and took Cullen’s hand in his. “This is just a moment in time. One day, a way from now you will have adapted and look back at this with a mild irritation. You are a strong man Cullen, one of the strongest I know.” Leveling a long glance over Cullen, Bull nodded, “this will pass. I promise that much.”

“I don’t think it ever will…” Cullen didn’t look up. His hands were shaking, and he was trying everything he could think of to stop himself from crying. “It’s unbearable Bull…” Choking down the lump in his throat he let out a long gush of air. “I’ll… I’ll be alright.” Running his hands through his hair he took in several more breathes hoping to clear the swell of emotions threatening to drown him. Leaning back in his chair he was quickly greeted by the man from behind the counter. “Your pies. Enjoy!” With a quick nod to Bull the man retreated behind his counter. “Eat. Can’t do much on an empty stomach and this is the finest pie in Fereldan.”

Sitting in silenced they ate. Cullen could feel the change come over him. Finishing their meal, Bull didn’t say another word as they walked back. Reaching the back of the shop where Cullen was working before, he stopped, “hey Bull…”

“Don’t mention it. Just, take care of yourself. For Jessica, at least. Alright?”

“Right.” Smiling weakly, he felt the fluster roll over him. Clearing his throat awkwardly he pointed back at the fabric. “I need to get this cut out.”

“I’ll leave you to it.” Patting Cullen’s shoulder Bull walked away, whistling a carol on his lips. Cullen put his head down, focusing intently on cutting out the patterns without making any errors. Dorian had been not only kind enough to let him use his shop, but to gift him the fabric to make the costumes with. As he worked, he tried to think about a way to repay him. 

Hours bled together until he was done the most hand cramping part. With everything cut out he sighed. He’d have to pin pieces together and begin sewing them. Checking up at the clock he gasped. It was nearly two o’clock. Groaning her rose to tidy when Dorian came over. “Looks like you’ve made a good dent in it. There are some extra details I have planned but they don’t require this step. You aren’t as far behind as you think. Pop in again tomorrow and I’m certain you can finish before the weekend easily.”

“Knowing the school, she’s going to have a dress rehearsal by Friday. I don’t have as much times as I’d like.” Groaning he ran his hand through his hair. “But you are right. I’m in a good position to continue tomorrow. Uh... after lunch.” Flushing, he remembered his lunch appointment with Diana. “I... uh, have a date for lunch tomorrow.”

“OH!” Dorian practically squealed as he waved for Cullen to walk with him, noting the time as well. “Walk and talk, we have precious little time.” Chuckling to himself Cullen followed in behind, speaking about their first coffee date, all to the oohs and awes of Dorian. Holding the handle to his car door Cullen shrugged. “It could be nothing but, I enjoy her company.”

“Then it is something.” Dorian nodded. “Now, go home to your daughter. You can swing in early tomorrow if you want to work a bit before your date. I doubt you’ll return afterwards.” Dorian winked as he waved and calmly strolled back into the shop. 

Cullen wasted little time in getting home. It was a start and more importantly there was time. His evening went as it usually did; after school snack, homework, catching up on all the gossip from Jessica, dinner and bedtime. Bedtime was the time he was looking forward to the most. He was exhausted, and Jessica was equally so. Thankful that she was easy to get to bed, he didn’t hesitate to get himself ready for bed as well. 

Come morning his thoughts instantly landed on his date. Getting Jessica off to her bus stop he made a bee line for Dorian's shop. He was set on completing as much work as he could before he had to leave. 

Walking through the doors he was greeted by Bull, who was on his way out. Hanging his coat on the back of his chair, he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Turning to see it he gasped. There on the mannequin was the pieces all pinned and ready to see, a lone note was stuck to the top of the dummy. “Not too handy with sewing like you and Dorian but wanted to lend a hand and I’m pretty good with puzzles. You’ve got this, chin up.” Signed Bull.


	6. Sparkle

Cullen smiled wide, this little helping hand would shave an easy day off his work. Gingerly taking the garment down he noticed Bull had went the extra step in reversing the fabric and pinning it for the surger. Not wanting to waste a second more Cullen flicked his alarm to warn him an hour before his date and set to work. 

Time seemed slow to him, but his progress was quick. He’d just finished sewing the last side when his alarm went off. “Perfect,” he grinned. Stretching his back, he felt the satisfying pop of his lumbar as he rose and began tidying up. Looking the costume over he turned it right side out. “Looks good, if I do say so myself.” Dorian grinned as he paced over to him. “Could use a bit of embellishment but that’s your choice.”

“Perhaps a bit more sparkle. But I will decide once I finish it and the second costume. Time isn’t kind.” Cullen brushed his hands off after he placed the piece back on to the mannequin. “Thanks, by the way, for everything.”

“What are friends for?” Dorian waved him off and plucked his coat from the chair. “Now go on. You don’t want to keep her waiting.”

“Right. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bright and early I have no doubt.” Dorian chuckled as he waved him off towards the door. Cullen didn’t want to appear too excited knowing full well Dorian would chide him the next day, but he couldn’t help the skip in his step and the eagerness within him as he left. 

Arriving early, he nervously sat in his car, debating on heading in when he noticed her car. “Hmm,” peeking around the corner he saw her inside, again working on her laptop. Drawing in a few calming breaths he decided to go over. Heading into the building he waited for her to look up before he made his way to her. 

“Oh Cullen!” she flushed as once again she began to scramble to clear away her stuff. “I’m sorry, work is different when you are a writer.”

“You mentioned you wrote last time. I’m a fairly well-read person. Could I have read something of yours?” Cullen took his jacket off and laid it in the booth beside him. “Possibly,” Diana smiled as her cheeks darkened. “I don’t write under my name. I… I’m a romance novelist. Or as my editor would lovingly say a smut writer.” Chuckling nervously, she toyed with a coil of her scarlet hair. “Do you read those sorts of books?”

“I’ve read a few.” Cullen shrugged. “Some are well written, others are painful. But you haven’t answered my question. Have I read your work?”

“Well, I…” her phone rang interrupting her answer. “Excuse me, I have to take this.” 

Cullen nodded and politely leaned back in his chair, glossing over the menu. “No. I will have the new manuscript by tomorrow. Yes, I’m aware there is a deadline. I swear I’m nearly there now and you are sorely interrupting my work. Cass has my first draft. She returned it half an hour ago, I’m working on the fine tuning now. Yes, by day’s end today. Thank you. Ciao.” Peaking over his menu he watched her rub circles at her temples. “Everything alright? That sounded intense.”

“My agent. He’s a bit of a slave driver, if only because he wants his coin. And to book the next tour dates…” clearing her throat her shoulders slumped. “Can I trust you to keep a secret? A massive secret?”

“On my honor,” Cullen reached forward to take her hand in a sign of faith and was surprised when she took them in a desperate grip. “I haven’t told anyone this. No one knows and to be honest it feels good to be able to speak about it. I… I’m very famous. But you don’t know because I write under the name Varric Tethras. You've…”

“Maker’s breath, seriously? I… I’ve been to book signings. Who…”

“The man on the phone is my agent and the face of Varric Tethras. He is incredibly helpful and a wonderful friend if not a bit too excited for the next bit of lime light. Me on the other hand? I prefer to be able to collect my own groceries and spend time with my niece in public.” Sighing out heavily she giggled. “Oh, it feels so good to be able to get it off my chest.”

“I’m glad I could help. I promise your secret is safe with me.” Placing his free hand over his heart he realized she was still holding his hand. In fact, she was rubbing tiny circles with the pad of her thumb over his knuckles and in truth he didn’t want it to stop. Carefully he reached with his other hand, just resting it over hers for a moment. “Cullen…” her voice was a velvet purr and he couldn’t help returning it with his own sultry timber, “Diana.” 

“We… we should order. Have you eaten yet today? You look a bit pale.” She smiled brightly as she laced her fingers in his and he wondered was she feeling what he was. Although it had only been two dates there was something so easy and relaxing about her. Something that made him feel like he didn’t have to try hard. This was as natural as breathing to him.

After placing their order, he began to speak about the Christmas concert and working on two costumes. It was a relief to get the worry off his back. “Wow, you know how to sew?”

“My mother taught me. One of my lesser known talents.” Sighing he checked the time, a little after one. “I have one costume done. I doubt I’ll be back to the shop to finish it completely.”

“Shop? Where do you work?” Her innocent question stung him. “I…uh don’t work. I’m borrowing a friend’s sewing equipment to get them done.” His shoulders sagged as he avoided her eyes. “I can’t work anymore. Doctors say my nerve issue is permanent. Some days are good others… it’s a struggle.” 

“Oh Cullen, I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to offend you. Please forgive me.” 

“It’s fine. Just not really used to it. I wasn’t born with it.” Stopping to take a drink he shook his head. “But I’ll be ok. Right?” He’d asked the question thinking she’d let it slip by, he was stunned when she spoke. “Cullen, your ability to work or not doesn’t make me less interested in you. Please don’t think I see you as less than I did before.” Opening his mouth to speak, her phone interrupted them. “Ugh, my agent. I’m so sorry.” Cullen waved her to answer it as he dug through the few remaining fries on his plate. He needed to get moving, get back to Jessica’s costumes but he didn’t want to. Spending time with her made him feel again and he desperately grasped at it. Zoned out in his thoughts he didn’t pay any attention to her conversation, instead he was going over the final details for Jessica’s costume. Dorian had been right, it was lacking a bit of sparkle. “Cullen?” Diana chuckled waving her hand before his face. “You alright? You zoned out on me.”

“Sorry, was just thinking about Jessica’s costume. I have the first one mostly done, it just seems to be lacking something.” Blushing he sighed. “I have three days to finish two of them and so far, I think I’m doing alright.”

“I’d love to come see them if you’re up for it.” Diana smiled as she began packing up the last of her items. “Maybe tomorrow? I have a bit of work I need to take care of now, but I should be free then.”

“Text me. I’d love to get your opinion on it.” Smiling he rose and collected his jacket, following her to the exit he bid her a less awkward goodbye. Checking his time again he figured he could get in an hour of work before having to rush to get home. 

Dorian was primping and preening the costume, a steamer in his hand as he hummed to himself. “Checking over my work?” Cullen grumbled. “I know it’s lacking something.”

“Well,” Dorian cleared his throat as he set the steamer down and shut it off. “She’s supposed to be a sugar plum fairy. The colour is exquisite, fabric the perfect seasonal velvet, shimmery and soft. But there is a lack of true sparkle. I was thinking perhaps an overlay of glittery taffeta or tulle. Add a bejeweled belt to go with it. Yes. Simple yet magical.” Waving his hand over the bodice he was quickly digging through his supplies. “Ah here!” Tugging free a bindle of glittered pink tulle he nodded. “What do you think?”

“You have a good eye for costume design,” Cullen nodded. “How do you suggest the tulle be added? I’ve never worked with it before.”

“Preferably? I would want to pleat it, or perhaps something more gathered.” Humming again Dorian pulled a length of tulle and played with it about the bodice. “Tulle is simple enough. Fine thread, finer needle. Go slow and you’ll be fine. If you’re really concerned about it, I could knock out a skirt for you in a half an hour. It would be no trouble and you could move onto the ghost costume.”

“I…” hesitating Cullen puffed out his chest. Pride was quickly beat down by reality. “I would be thankful. I don’t honestly believe I know enough to work with tulle. Plus, I don’t want to waste your fabric on my clumsy attempts when I have the master of the thread and needle here.” Bowing in an exaggerated stance he snickered when Dorian burst into laughter. “You know me too well. My vanity could not bare to say no now,” winking Dorian waved his hand. “Go home and get ready for your daughter. When you come in tomorrow, you’ll have to pick out a belt to sew to the dress and it’s done. I have the ghost costume pattern printed and cut. You’ll need to lay it and begin. Ta da, done on time.” Waving him towards the door again Dorian chuckled. “I’ll text you if I need to. Good night.”

“Tomorrow. I’ll bring coffee.” Cullen waved as he rushed out the door and towards his car. He felt lighter than he had in some time as he drove home, the radio blaring more Christmas carols. Once home he began making a few treats and some dinner. Jessica came in with her head down, a clear sign something was bothering her. Putting the kettle on he made her a cup of hot chocolate, “talk to me.” His voice was soothing as he placed a couple cookies and the mug before her. Jessica slowly opened up, telling him she was afraid she would forget her lines and ruin the play. Giving her a squeeze, he picked up his phone, “why don’t we call Rory and you two can practice over the phone tonight?”

“Really?! Thanks dad!” Returning his hug, she nodded, “that would make me feel a lot better.” 

“I’ll text Uncle Bull now, see if Rory is busy.” Flicking his screen, he quickly fired off a message to Bull. “Soon as we hear back you can get to work.” Settling in the chair beside her, his phone chimed back. “Rory is good for a call. Here,” handing her the phone he pressed the call button. “Rory’s expecting you. Go practice.” She shot up out of the chair and raced to her room, the soft click of the door latch the only sound before her excited, muffled chatter. 

Alone with his thoughts, he let them drift back to lunch and to the warmth of Diana’s hands in his. He didn’t have to think very hard about what he liked best about her. It was simple. When she smiled. Truly smiled. He’d noticed the difference slowly, how she wore a placid smile like an expensive coat; with class and practiced attention. But when she smiled, genuinely smiled, it was like a beacon of light in a murky night. Something he wanted to make appear across her lips more often. Lost in a cloud of daydream he went about the dishes in sink, washing and wiping down the counters. Time slipped away and soon he was noticing how close to dinner time it was getting. “Jess…”

“Are you and Ms. Trevelyan dating?” Jessica stood with his phone in her hand, pointing to a single message. “Dad?”


	7. In Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some angst ahead, definitely EMOTIONS ahead.

Cullen half choked on air, “oh, uh, why?”

“Because this is awesome dad!” Rushing forward she wrapped her arms tightly about him. “Are you happy? Does she make you happy? You look happy.”

“Jess,” snickering he dropped to one knee to be closer to her height. “Hun, it’s just a couple lunch dates. Don’t…”

“Dates!” Jessica clapped her hands together excitedly. “But… are you happy?” Pausing her little eyes darted over his face before a smile began to creep over her face. “You are!” Bouncing away from him she began to dance around the living room. “Jess…” He couldn’t stop the laughter that bubbled up as she did a little jig around the coffee table. Shaking his head, he rose, “I thought you might be upset. I guess I was wrong.” 

“Why? You’re happy. Mom said she wanted you to be happy again. You promised her you would.” Her words sucked the air out of his lungs and he felt his knees buckle. “Jess…”

“I can tell dad. I’m not a baby.” Crossing her arms tightly, Jessica’s cheeks began to darken, and her eyes were pink. “She didn’t want you to pout all day and feel bad. Mom loved you.” Her bottom lip began to quiver, and Cullen moved, half running to her, he scooped her up in his arms. Being an older child, her feet didn’t dangle like when she was younger but, in that moment, he could only see the little two-year-old that would cry when she fell. That needed her father to hold her and tell her it was going to be ok. Rubbing her back he cooed soft and low, “hey, it’s alright. It’s going to be alright.”

“I miss her.” Barely getting it out Jessica’s body shook as the tears flowed. “But I want you to be happy.” 

“Oh baby girl,” he choked on the words as he held her, letting her get out all the tears she needed, shedding a few of his own. After several moments of silent sobs, both sitting on the living room floor, Jessica leaned back and wiped her eyes. “I love you dad. You know that, right?” 

“Of course! You know I love you, too right?” Brushing a lock of her dishevelled hair from her face he smiled. “Come on, no more tears. It’s Christmas after all.” Standing up, his legs were numb and shaking but he felt a weight leave him. “Let’s order dinner. You’re choice.”

“No dad, I want to cook with you.” Running her sleeve over her eyes she sniffled twice before standing and following him to the kitchen. Together they finished the bit of dinner Cullen had started to prepare. Both exhausted, and emotionally drained called it an early night. 

Cullen’s phone woke him in the morning, his eyes felt puffy and heavy still. Wiping at his face he rose and shut off his alarm. Washing and brushing his teeth he focused on the day. Only two more left to finish his work and then Jessica would have a dress rehearsal. That didn’t include the myriad of other things he’d neglected. Heading into the kitchen he started on breakfast, “Jessica, time to get up.” He bellowed down the hall as he put her lunch kit on the counter. “Just butter on your toast?”

“Jam please,” she yelled back as she darted into the bathroom. Breakfast was a blur as the two struggled to get things together. “Last night was a bit rough,” Cullen finally spoke. “Are you alright?”

“Ya dad. I guess I’ve been holding that in for a long time.” Jessica hung her head as she poked at her toast. “I know you always tell me to talk to you but sometimes I worry that you have too much to deal with already.” Ripping off a piece of the crust she munched away. “I don’t want you to have to worry about me too.”

“Hun you know I worry about you all the time. It’s what parents do.” Cullen let out a forced chuckle as he cleaned up the dishes. “Come on, smiles now. No more tears. Only a little over a week and you’ll be on holidays. I’ve got a few things planned. Just us. I promise.”

“Can Ms. Trevelyan come too?” Jessica sheepishly looked up over her plate. “I mean, if she wants to.”

“I’ll just have to ask.” Cullen smiled as he checked the time, “but first, you need to get to your bus stop. Come on. I’ll walk you.” 

After seeing her off with a hug and a promise of hot cocoa with marshmallows after school, he watched the bus drive away. Looking at his phone there were no new messages. Getting to his car he headed to the local coffee shop to get him and Dorian a cup before setting to work on the last bit. Once parked and with coffee in hand, he was more sober than usual heading into the shop. If anything, he wanted this costume set to be perfect. “Hey Dorian, good morning!” Smiling through it he handed off the paper cup. “I… Dorian,” he let out a weak attempt at a groan as his smile broadened. “You didn’t have to.” 

“Let’s just say a little birdy told me you really needed this.” Dorian made a flourish of his hand over the sugar plum fairy costume. It was complete. A floor length cascade of pinks and purples with hints of white tulle sat from the bodice down to the floor, all in the same glittering material he’d seen yesterday. About the waist sat a belt laden with pearls in every colour, with intermittent gems in matching tones. “It…” Cullen’s voice cracked as the emotions overwhelmed him. “Her mother would have loved it.” 

“Come here.” Dorian crossed the floor between them and wrapped his arms around him. “Your daughter is a gem, a precious angel and why? Because you’ve done an amazing job. Never forget that.” 

“I’ll take your word for it.” Dabbing at his eyes Cullen tried to hide the tears from Dorian. “But I still have one more to go. Then, we can relax and enjoy. How’s Rory’s costumes coming?”

“All done. I stayed late last night and got them both finished. Call it a case of perfectionism and a lack of patience.” Dorian waved his arm as he stepped back from Cullen. “There they are. Perfect, aren’t they?”

“Rory will look like a king at the concert.” Cullen beamed as he looked over to the pattern on the table. “But if I want to sleep well tonight, I need to at least get this sewn together.” 

“I’ll leave you to it. I’m here if you need anything,” Dorian bowed and left Cullen to his job of cutting the patterns out of the fabric. Working away he was focused on his task when his phone went off. Picking it up he noticed the message was from Diana. “Hey Cullen, I’m so sorry. I really wanted to meet up with you today, but I got a call. Looks like my newest manuscript was approved and I’ve got a meeting to finalize some things. I should be available tomorrow, and I really wish to spend that time with you. Maybe something other than coffee? There’s this outdoor skating rink not far from the school. If you are up for it, I’d love to make it a date. Let me know, I look forward to hearing from you.” Grinning wide he quickly glanced at his work then the time. If he buckled down and put his head to it, he could possibly crank out the ghost costume before Jessica finished the day, which would leave him completely free for tomorrow. Hitting the reply function, he began typing, “I’d love to. Sorry you can’t meet today but that’s really exciting and I’m happy for you! I hope it isn’t too much to ask for you to sign my copy once I pick it up. Tomorrow skating sounds like a great idea. Say one o’clock? Hot chocolate and cookies after? I await your answer.” Looking it over a few times he swallowed the butterflies in his throat and sent it. As quickly as the text sent, he was back at his work, cutting and pinning. 

If it went off, he paid no attention. Buried in his work he was nearing his goal. It had to be finished and being the less intricate costume, he was confident if he just plowed through, he could finish in one day. After all, Dorian had gone through the trouble of finishing the more complex shirt piece and with such little time he was beyond thankful. Hours bled together until the alarm he’d pre-set on his phone chimed, letting him know he had to get cleaned up and head home. With a deep breath he hung it upon the dummy. “Perfection.” Dorian clapped. “You’ve got it all finished. I’ll drop them off at the school when I drop off Rory’s.” Patting Cullen on the shoulder he nodded. “I might need a good set of hands in the shop. Won’t be anything you can’t handle, and the pay is good. I hear the boss is an incredibly kind and wonderful man.” Smiling he waved his hand before Cullen could get a word out. “Just, think about it ok. No need to commit to anything on the spot. Now, go give that precious sugar plum a hug from Uncle Dorian.” 

“Thank you,” Cullen held his hand out only to have Dorian clasp him about the forearm. “We’re here for you. Don’t ever forget that. My oldest, dearest friend.” Dorian choked out the last word before patting him again on the back. “Now go before I make a scene and you are late.” 

Cullen nodded, knowing full well Dorian had reached his comfortable limit. Swiping his jacket, he mouthed a quick thank you before rushing to the door. Having been bent over for most of the day it had left his shoulders aching and the nerve in his finger tips were firing strangely. Between a quivering numbness to a pin prick sensation he grumbled the whole drive. Arriving home his symptoms only got worse. With sweat clinging to his temples he rummage through his medications. Grabbing the bottle of CBD oil, he quickly slipped a drop under his tongue. Closing his eyes, he barely caught the echo of the door closing. “Dad?!” Jessica burst into the kitchen her arms about him as her jacket rustled. “Dad are you okay?”

“I’m alright. Think I over did it a bit, that’s all.” Patting her hand, he sighed, the slow sensation began to fade as the oil did its job. “How was school?” He tried to deflect as he rose up from his lean only to stumble slightly. Letting a soft curse out under his breath he sighed. “I’ll go sit down. I promise.

“I’m calling Uncle Bull!” Snatching the phone off the cradle she raced off to her room before Cullen could think about moving. Stumbling twice he managed to land on the couch, the sensation of burning and tingling was slowly ebbing from him. Grumbling tightly under his breath he didn’t want to curse loud enough for her to hear, or worse for Bull to hear. Focusing on each breath he tried to calm his racing heart as Jessica chatted loud enough for him to over hear. “He’s awake, I think. I… I will. Thank you, Uncle Bull. Love you too.”

“Jess…” Cullen mumbled as he tried to rise, only able to rise into a sit. “Jessica.”

“Dad.” She came out with her arms crossed his phone tight in her hand. “Uncle Bull says if you fall asleep, I’m to call him right away.” There was a deep scowl on her face as she glared at him. “You worked too hard. You didn’t need to.”

“Baby girl.” He sighed heavily as he patted the space on the couch beside him. “This is my reality. It isn’t pretty, but this might happen from time to time. I… I will try hard not to let it get to this point in the future. I promise, okay?” Jessica sat beside him, her arms still tight. “Jess…”

“Okay.” She mumbled as her posture relaxed and she curled into his side. “I’m worried about you. I don’t understand this.”

“I don’t either,” he chuckled weakly as he wrapped his arm around her. “But we’ll get through it. And I promise I’ll do better at taking care of myself.” Pressing a tender kiss to her forehead he sighed, “want to order in?”

“You can’t buy my silence with pizza.” She snickered as she wrapped her arm around him. “But it’s a start.” Handing the phone back to him they ordered. While they waited, they sat and watched a Christmas movie, both not wishing to speak further on the issue. It was too much all at once and he was more than painfully aware that he had pushed too hard. Tried too hard. There were limits to his body and while he wished it wasn’t so, it didn’t change it. “I love you kiddo, I hope you know that.”

“I do dad. I love you too.” 

Dinner was on the couch, curled into one another and Cullen knew it was what Jessica needed. She needed to know he was alright and that they would be alright. Eventually they cleaned up and washed up. “Can I sleep on the couch tonight?”

“Deal.” She smiled as she rushed off to change and ready for bed. As she raced off, he flicked his phone on, checking his messages he noticed a short one from Bull. Replying back, he thanked him for calming Jessica down and that he’d speak with him tomorrow. Setting his phone up he chuckled as Jessica dragged her pillow and blanket out into the living room and curled back up beside him. “Dad?”

“Yes kiddo.”

“Don’t forget to take your medicine. And… and drink lots of water tomorrow. Rory and I have been practicing super hard and you can’t miss the play Monday.” Her little brows were furrowed up tight as she placed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be very cross if you don’t make it.”

“Princess,” he smiled as he brushed some of her curls back from the edge of her face. “I promise. No matter what, I’ll be there to see you. Nothing will stop me. Alright?”

“Pinky promise?” She held her hand out, pinky finger extended. “Absolutely.” Wrapping his larger finger in hers he chuckled. “Now, time to get some sleep my sugar plum fairy. One more day of practice tomorrow then dress rehearsal Friday.”

“Can Rory come over or I go over to Rory’s this weekend? We wanted to practice a bit more before Monday.”

“I’ll speak to Uncle Dorian in the morning. Now, where’s your book?” Thrusting her hand into her pillowcase, she pulled it out and handed it to him. Settling into the couch, Cullen began and soon she was asleep. Rising he went to the kitchen, tided up the few dishes and put away the left overs. Grabbing his meds, he sighed, “I promise. This won’t be a normal event, not now, not ever.”


	8. Icy Roads

Morning was better, as he’d figured a good night’s rest would aid him. Making her lunch and walking her to her bus he felt lighter. Like some burden was lifted from him. Returning to the apartment he dug through the boxes in his storage room, searching for his ice skates. It’d been years since he’d lace them up. At least three if his memory was to be trusted. Jessica had wanted to try it. “Come on, Uncle Bull takes Rory skating every winter. Can I go?” She’d begged. Bethany nervously agreed if Cullen went along. “Me? I haven’t skated since I was a small boy. Out on Lake Calenhad after it frozen over. I wasn’t more than thirteen.” He’d scoffed but Bethany always had that smile. One that made him feel like he could do anything. So, he’d purchased a pair of skates for Jessica and himself. 

“Daddy, it’s slippery!” Jessica squealed as she clung to his arms, her little legs kicking out in an awkward attempt to walk. “Don’t try to walk. Your blade doesn’t bend my darling,” he’d been soft with her. Only with her. “You need to glide by pushing your blade to the side, slowly now.” She had a hard time with it. Skating wasn’t easy and after several spills and slips she’d given up in a fit of tears. “One day, my darling, brave princess, we’ll come back. When you’re ready and you will float along the ice.” 

“Daddy,” she’d grumbled, tears still in her eyes as she mustered all her little strength to make them stop. “When I’m older and not so wobbly.” 

“As you wish.” He smiled taking her skates off, with promises of hot chocolate and cookies. 

Holding those same skates, he smiled, the memory was so vivid, so present he could feel it. Checking the blade, he was surprised the edge was still sharp. Carefully he placed them in a bag with an old rag of a towel and checked the time. “Still lots of time.” Placing the bag on the chair by the table he went to fix himself something to eat. 

With a belly full and feeling much better than the day before he grabbed his bag and headed to his car. He was early, that much he knew but it had been some time since he laced up his skates and he wanted to be sure he wasn’t going to end up flat on his face. Driving to the arena he couldn’t help the butterflies flittering about in his stomach. This was more than coffee, more than two people idly chatting, this was an official date. At least, that’s what her message said to him. A date. It had to be perfect, he had to be perfect for her. 

To his surprise the rink was clear of people. Checking his watch, he wasn’t sure if he should proceed. “Hello there,” a friendly voice waved at him. “We’re open, just quiet right now. I expect we’ll be packed in the next couple days.” Unlatching the gate to let him in the fresh-faced woman smiled at him. “Come on I don’t bite.”

“I’m sorry, I was expecting more people this is, nice.”

“Good way to practice and not worry about too many gawkers.” In a flash she was back behind the small concession stand, preparing for the day. “Go ahead. I’m here if you need me. Name’s Minaeve.” 

Cullen smiled politely and looked for a place to lace up his skates. Settling into the bench he caught the music begin to flood down from the speakers above, more Christmas carols. Tying his laces, he tucked his shoes in his bag. “I can put those behind the bar for you.” She waved at him before he could walk by her. “Thank you,” he tipped his head before he passed his bag and took an unsure step on to the ice. 

Being the first to get on, the ice was smooth, free of any blade cuts or marks. Taking a careful glide forward he chuckled. He could almost hear his father, “skating is just like riding a bike. Once you learn you never forget. Just need a couple laps to get back into the grind of it.” Making a second pass he felt more confident, more in control. Enjoying the feel of the icy air across his face he slowed his pace, just taking the moment to soak in the sensations. Even with the damage of his nerves and the constant worry of an incident it was these few moments he cherished most. “You look like you have a good handle on that.” Diana’s voice snapped him from his day dream state. “Doesn’t hurt to double check.” He chuckled back with a wink, feeling bold and relaxed. When she blushed his heart swelled, just the simple motion of her tucking a lock of hair behind her ear made his stomach flutter. “You planning on joining me?” He skated towards the boards, leaning over the edge. “Do you need help with your skates?” 

“I’ll manage.” She blushed as she continued to tug at the strings. “I don’t like my laces too tight about the ankle. Makes it hard to move.” 

“My dad taught me the same thing, but skating was always something we did in the winter months.” Backing up he popped open the door for her. “Did you skate often as a child?” 

“Not as often as I’d like but my father told me I was almost always on the go when I was a child.” Tying off the last string she slowly stood up and shuffled her way to the opening. “But I miss it. Haven’t been in far too long.”

“Then let me guide you.” Cullen held out his hand, taking a bit of her weight as she gingerly stepped on to the ice. “I’ve got you.”

“Good thing! It seems I need a refresher.” Her foot slipped slightly and instantly she was wrapped tight in his arms pressed against his chest. Everything stood still. Even the air seemed to freeze in place as they both locked eyes. His skin was on fire, blood boiling as it pounded through him, throbbing in his ear. 'Kiss her,' he was internally screaming at himself as her eyes dipped to his lips. Feeling his breathing intensify he leaned in, stifling the shiver that wiggled up his spine as she matched his motion.

“Excuse me,” a little child no more than three politely chimed in. Cullen cleared his throat awkwardly, not realizing they were still at the gateway. Breaking from her, he chuckled as the young child skated out onto the ice. “Uh, we, shall we?” Holding his hand out he tried to calm himself as they began to glide around the arena. 

After a second pass Cullen finally addressed the elephant in the room. “Diana, I…”

“Am having a lovely time Cullen.” Slowing down she wrapped his arms around her. “A very lovely time.” 

Cullen swallowed hard. It all felt so right, yet so tender and new. Cradling her gently he managed to catch his breath, “how about a hot chocolate?”

“That sounds perfect.” She sighed as they glided towards the gate. Cullen once again helped her off and together they changed out of their skates. Walking over to the concession Cullen reached for his wallet, “no, I’ve got this. My treat, after all my new book looks like it’s going to do very well.”

“Is that so,” Cullen chuckled. While it stung his pride that he couldn’t really afford the treat he was more than alright with her taking control. “Then I’ll get the next one.”

“Fair.” She smiled as she ordered two hot chocolates with extra whipped cream. Finding a spot to watch the other skaters as they made their rounds, they sipped at their hot beverage. Cullen nearly spilled his drink when her hand rested upon his thigh. “Cullen,” she sighed again as she cozied into him, resting her head on his shoulder. “I really enjoy spending time with you.”

“Me too.” He smiled as he spoke the words, comfortable that they were progressing. Where, he wasn’t sure yet, but he was more than eager to know. “Tomorrow is the dress rehearsal for the school. I got the letter to be there to help with costumes. Jessica is going to a sleep over with Jasmine Saturday and won’t be back till Sunday. I’m free if you, uh, want to do something.” With no idea what to plan or do he hoped throwing it out there that the Maker would take hold of it. “I have no plans,” feeling her shuffle about beside him he turned towards her just in time as she leaned in a kissed him. “Mmm,” his words were muffled against her plump lips. It was just a moment. A wash of sweet chocolate and fluffy whipped cream but it felt like a moment carved out in heaven. 

“Diana!” A strange voice broke their moment and Cullen instantly scowled. As Diana pulled back, he caught the familiar man. He’d seen him before at book signings, ‘Varric Tethras.’ “Diana, you brilliant minx you! The publisher loves it. How did you come up with such a unique story?”

Diana’s face instantly went pale as her eyes darted back and forth between the stout man and Cullen. “Oh, I, uh…”

“I know café fics are the thing but to aid in the main character’s love interest is a widower and a father. Its so perfect for today’s crowd. Even his medical condition, showing love perseveres. I love it!” Varric marched right up nearly shoving himself between Cullen and Diana. “Publisher just wants one little change. They aren’t happy with the name Colin, could we find something more realistic?”

Instantly Cullen clued in, “you… you wrote…”

“Varric this is Cullen he…”

“Cullen now there’s a name! Let’s run with that one.” Turning his back to Cullen Varric wrapped an arm around Diana and began rattling things off as Cullen stood dumbfounded. “I… I should go.” Cullen reached for his bag and turned away, his head swimming. He barely registered her pleading words as he mindlessly wandered to his car. Sitting in the front seat he threw the car in reverse and made a bee line back to the apartment. Everything just felt numb. She’d used him. Used him to come up with the plot line to her next best seller. Flopping down on the couch he caught the phone ring, flipping it over he ignored it. There wasn’t anything to say. 

Sitting in stunned silence he wrung his hands, there wasn’t much else for him to do. Finally giving in to his feet he began pacing up and down the apartment straightening and tidying where he could, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t what he needed to quell the emotions bubbling and churning inside of him. “Just take a breath.” He sighed as he flipped his phone back over. Several missed messages and phone calls. Ignoring them all he called Dorian. “Pick up, come on…” waiting through the first two rings he was ready to give up when Dorian’s voice came clear through the line. “Cullen, is everything alright? I wasn’t expecting to…”

“Are you busy? I’m home… I need someone to talk to.” Cullen flopped back down on the couch, hanging his head in his hands. “You’re the only person I trust.” 

“This doesn’t sound good. I’ll be right over.” Dorian hung up and Cullen was once again left with his own thoughts. Time itself seemed to stand still as he waited, what was no more than fifteen minutes felt like an entire age. Again, he’d taken to pacing the words said by Varric and his cold indifference stung him to the core. When Dorian finally showed up, he must have looked like a wreck. Dorian let out a loud gasp as he clapped his hand over his mouth. “Oh, Maker tell me everything.” Getting into the unit Dorian was bombarded by everything. Every tiny little detail from their first coffee straight to their quaint little skate. 

“Sounds like you two are hitting it off perfectly. What spoiled your moment?” Dorian crossed his leg as he sipped at the cup of coffee Cullen has made and insisted on serving him. “Her publisher came to the arena. Went on and on about her new book. One involving…. It was about me Dorian. A widower, with a child, suffering from a medical condition. You can’t get more straight at it than that.” 

To his credit Dorian sipped at the coffee and shrugged. “She’s a writer darling. No different than a costume designer. We find inspiration from the things we love and enjoy the most. She wrote a love story about you, I wonder who the lead femme fatale was?” Peering over his cup he watched Cullen’s brow furrow up. Knowing him well enough he knew the man had to come to it on his own. Sighing heavily, he set the mug down, “listen you’ve asked my opinion, and I have freely; and clearly, given it. So, if that’s all you need today, I won’t be privy to your personal pity party of one.”

“Dorian…”

“Don’t try sweet talking me. I listened, and I gave my opinion. I may not be a writer but we creative types have similar mindsets. We leave a piece of ourselves in every bit of our work. I’m guessing you should keep an open mind. At the least sleep on it. Before you run off making silly decisions.” Placing his mug on the coffee table Dorian rose sharply. “I have a set of costumes to finish by Monday for Celene's annual charity ball and theatre performance. She is doing a garish take on that Tim Burton piece. The Nightmare Before Christmas. She just approved the mock ups today. I’ll be sewing till I’m blind this weekend. Do me a favour,” waving his hand for Cullen to follow he let out a yawn. “Rest tonight. Read her messages or voice mails tomorrow. Then think about it. You don’t get this sort of thing often in life.”

“I’ll think about it, alright?” Weakly smiling Cullen walked him to the door. His body had begun to flare up, the adrenaline rush wearing off he barely said goodbye at the door before he was off to the medicine cabinet to take something. With his hands shaking he quickly dropped one under his tongue. Leaning over the bathroom sink he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He looked healthier than he had in some time. Color dusted his cheeks and his eyes seemed less sunken. “For Jessica,” he tried to rationalize it away, but he knew better. Splashing some cool water on his face he drew in a long breath before wiping away the droplets. “Sleep on it. Right.” Tomorrow was the dress rehearsal and helping Jessica pack for her sleep over. Trudging back down the hall he hadn’t noticed the time. Hearing the latch click he scrambled to put a smile on his face. “Hey sweetie, how was school?” 

“Today was so awesome! So, first thing was like the dress rehearsal is tomorrow and…” As Jessica droned on in her excited way Cullen heard nothing but static. His mind was still reeling over the afternoon’s events and then Dorian’s curt reply. Somehow, he got the impression Dorian was blaming him for reacting harshly. Was he though? He tried to go through everything that happen, scrutinizing every detail. “Dad? You’re supposed to be at the school no later than ten. We’re starting it really early so we can get the costumes put back and everything sorted out.” Sitting with her arms crossed she sighed, “you’re spacing out on me dad.”

“I’m sorry sweetie. I promise I’ll be there before ten. Maybe I can make some muffins for everyone, or at least your stressed-out teachers.” Tapping her shoulder, he chuckled. “Come on, let’s get some dinner going. Looks like you need an early night and a shower.” Huffing he shook his head. “What?”

“I love you dad.” Laughing she hopped down from her seat to give him a hug. “Mind if I shower now?”

“Dinner will be ready when you get out. Then we can catch up on some reading.” Waving her off he turned back to the stove. Picking his phone up he paused. “Not yet.” He sighed before placing it back down to begin collecting his ingredients and recipe book.


	9. Perceptions

Time melted away as he helped the few parents that arrived to work the dress rehearsal. He was involuntarily added to the volunteer list and with Rory, Jessica and Dorian all giving him the puppy eyes he couldn’t say no. “This is going to be awesome!” Jessica cheers. “We’re doing the version of the Christmas Carol that the Muppets did!”

“I don’t remember a sugar plum fairy in there?” Cullen crossed his arms, as he cocked his head. “So, did I sew a pretty dress for nothing?”

“No, Mr. Rutherford.” Strolling over with a clip board in her hand the drama teacher clicked her tongue. “We need some surprises in our little play, don’t we?” 

“Yes Ms. Montilyet.” Jessica and Rory nodded before scampering off. “I can assure you, Mr. Rutherford that the sugar plum fairy costume is necessary. While your daughter seems to wish for your assistance in the back, I came to let you know you won’t be stuck in the wings for the show.” With a bright smile upon her lips she extended her hand. “Josephine Montilyet, drama teacher and head coordinator for this little soiree.”

“Cullen Rutherford, pleasure.” Firmly shaking her hand, he sighed in relief. “At least I know I didn’t rush that costume for nothing. Now, what did you need assistance with?”

“Are you handy with a hammer? We need to finish putting some sets the children painted together and they aren’t quite old enough to wield power tools.” Waving him towards the stage she went over the small list, as a group of parents were busy touching up paint to other set pieces and laying out other props. “After this you are more than welcome to go home. With your daughter, if you’d like to. It will be a quiet day for everyone as the children practice in their classrooms.” Pointing towards the gym doors, Cullen followed her line as the children rushed out. “But it seems Ms. Jessica is dead set on practicing until it is perfect. I wonder if she gets that from you.” Tipping her head Josephine was off rushing about the different groups coordinating what needed to be done. 

Picking up the hammer he saw Bull struggling to hold two large wooden pieces together, “hey I’ve got your back.” Rushing towards him he grabbed hold of the piece that looked least stable. “Thanks Cullen.” Bull smiled as he picked up the cordless drill. “I have the pilot holes drilled just need to get them together, so the painters can patch up the holes and make it look pretty again. You got it?”

“Yeah I’ve got a good hold on it.” Squeezing the boards together they managed to get them properly fitted. “Perfect. Only about a half dozen more.” Bull smiled and patted Cullen on the shoulder. “And you owe me a chat.” Leveling a knowing glance at him, Cullen sighed and nodded. Working as he talked, they managed to get the entire stage sets finished before one. “Come on, lunch. I’m buying.” Bull motioned towards the door. “If you need anything else Ms. Montilyet, let me know.” Tipping his head to her, Bull lead Cullen out into the parking lot. “Meet me at Haven Café. No questions. Or I’ll come get you.” Lowering his glare at Cullen he waited for him to acknowledge him before he got into his truck. 

“Great.” Cullen puffed as he slipped into the driver seat. Would she be there? If she was, could he bare to speak to her. It was all still raw to him and he had no idea how to take any of it. Pulling the gear shifter down he rolled back before slamming it into drive and crawling out of the parking lot. Taking his time to get to the dinner he caught sight of her car in the lot. Letting out a groan he instantly went back to the skating rink. Feeling her supple lips against his. He chastised himself for daring to think that she kissed him back, that she wanted anything more than a story. Pulling beside Bull he parked and shoved his hands into his pockets. With his head down, he walked into the café. “Over here.” Bull waved, already seated on the opposite side of the restaurant. Thankful for the small mercy, Cullen shuffled over to him. 

“Here, pick anything. My treat.” Bull had a grin on his lips that could have been the most mischievous thing Cullen had ever seen. “Fine.” He was short, to the point as he looked over his menu. She was furiously typing away but even at the distance he was, he could see the ring of red about her eyes. “Cullen, the waitress asked what you’d like.” Bull snorted as he handed the woman his own menu. “I’ll have the club house with a side of fries. Gravy on the side.” His eyes locked with Diana’s across the room and in a fluster, he fumbled and dropped the menu to the floor. Picking it up he blushed handing it to the woman. “I’m going to wash up. I’ll be right back.” He needed to get out of there, just for a moment to collect himself and try to get through this. 

In the washroom he scrubbed the dirt and wood grime from his hands before splashing his face with cool water. “Let it go.” He grumbled at himself in the mirror, before patting his face dry. Returning to his seat he kept his head down. Until he noticed something in Bull’s hands. “What…”

“Diana dropped this off for you before she left. Said it was critical you read it. She looked rough.” Bull wore a scowl as he handed the black covered book to him. “I think you made a mistake.”

“Yes, I did. I put my heart out there for someone to use me.” Grumbling he took the book and stuffed it into his jacket pocket. “I’ll look at it later.” Seeing Bull’s face scrunch up he rolled his eyes. “I promise I’ll read it, okay? Happy now? Jessica will be at Jasmine’s tomorrow, all day. I swear I will relax and read.”

“Good. You’ve been busting tail all week. Time for a nice bottle of your favorite poison and a hot bubble bath. Can’t go wrong with a good book too.” Motioning towards Cullen’s jacket Bull shrugged. “Dorian wants to look at venues this weekend. Before Christmas. We have a party to plan and he’s off thinking about venues.” Chuckling Bull took a sip from his ice water. “If you need us, don’t hesitate to interrupt. I’d appreciate the save.” 

“You love it as much as he does,” Cullen smirked as he grabbed his water, catching the tremble in his hand. “You are right. A quiet weekend to relax and rest up might do me well. I have nothing in dire need before Monday anyways. The costumes are done, sets too apparently and next week is going to be quiet. Especially after the play.”

“Kids have been working hard. It shows. Can’t wait to see what they’ve done.” Bull motioned towards the waitress who was moving towards them, tray in hand. “Here’s lunch. Let’s eat, gotta pick up the kids soon enough.”

“Too true.” Cullen sighed leaning back to let the waitress place his plate down. Working at their meals Cullen’s mind drifted to the book in his jacket pocket. Could it be what he thought it was? And what did it mean? Tossing about everything from the worst case possible to the impossible he finally managed to ignore his mind enough to enjoy the lunch. “Thanks Bull.” Leaning back in his chair he sighed, “but I could go for a nap now.”

“Careful. I don’t think we want Jessica calling me again.” Bull chuckled as he reached for the bill. “You need to take care of yourself Cullen. If not for yourself but for her.”

“I know. I promise I won’t do something as foolish as that again.” Rising he stretched. “Thanks again for the meal. I’ll catch you both on Monday. Save you a seat.”

“Save three.” Bull winked as he rose and threw his jacket on. “Call it a gut instinct.”

“I… We’ll see what the weekend brings.” Nodding he walked with Bull out to his car. Settling into his seat he waited for Bull to leave before he too headed home. Jessica would be back from school in an hour or two and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. Getting into the apartment he kicked his shoes off and tossed his coat on the hall tree. Half flopping onto the couch he set an alarm and soon fell into a deep sleep. His alarm did its job in waking him even if he didn’t want to get up. Heading straight to the kitchen he threw a k-cup into his coffee maker and stood by. “Caffeine.” He moaned as he rubbed at his eyes. “Please be a quiet night. I need sleep.” As he reached for his mug his cell went off. Picking it up he recognized the caller. “Hello Hyacinth. How can I help you?”

“Oh Cullen! I got a shift change at the hospital, I was wondering if I could take Jessica for two nights instead? Tonight, and Saturday night. I’d have to drop her off before noon on Sunday but only if you’re alright with it.”

“Sure! They won’t see much of each other till the New Year so this works out best for them. Did you need anything? I can…”

“It’s fine Cullen. You worry too much. I’m off shift at five tonight. Can I swing by and pick her up?”

“Yeah, yeah she’ll be packed and ready. Thanks again Hyacinth. I owe you can Alistair coffee.” Finishing his conversation, he was thankful he didn’t have to be a dad that night, he didn’t feel he was in the proper state for it. Taking his mug, he stirred in his cream and sugar before he paced off down the hall to Jessica’s room. Pulling her sleep over bag down from the top of her closet he packed away what she’d need before placing it at the end of her bed. No sooner had he finished, Jessica came in through the door. “Hey dad!”

“I’m in your room sweetie. You’re going over to Jasmine’s tonight. Her mom just called.”

“Thanks! I’ll put my stuff away first.” With a rustle of snow pants and gear Jessica went about putting her stuff away before she joined Cullen in her room. “You packed already?”

“Yes. You’ll be back before noon Sunday. I’ll make sure to have some fresh sausage ready for you,” smiling he gave her a hug and sat on the end of the bed. “Your play looks awesome kiddo, I’m excited to see it all put together on Monday.” 

“Thanks for helping today. Ms. Montilyet said you and Uncle Bull did an amazing job.” Wrapping her arms around him she sighed. “Please, rest this weekend. I don’t want you missing the play Monday.”

“I will take the entire weekend off. Right up until noon on Sunday, deal?” Placing a kiss to the top of her head he chuckled. “Jasmine’s mom will be here shortly to get you. Do you have any home work?”

“None.” Jessica proudly proclaimed as she scooped up her bag and placed it on the hall tree. “Dad there’s something bulky in your jacket. I don’t want to break it.”

“Oh!” Rushing to grab his coat he took out a hanger from the closet. “Don’t worry about it. Just some papers.” Yawning again he shook his head. “Alright let me walk you down to the front lobby. Do you have everything you want to bring?”

“Yes, grabbing a book.” Racing back into her room she came out home the novel. “All ready.”

“Put it in your bag, then get your coat, gloves and boots on.” Cullen slipped his shoes on and grabbed his keys. Walking down the hall in silence he let Jessica push the elevator button and select the floor. “Be good for Hyacinth and Alistair alright. I love you. I’m only a phone call away if you want to come home. Doesn’t matter the hour.”

“Dad you say this every time,” Jessica laughed as she threw her arms around him one last time. “I promise, as long as you promise to rest and enjoy some quiet.” 

“Promise.” He rubbed her head, earning him a swat before they stepped off the elevator. Checking his watch, it was a little after five. Poking his head out the door he caught sight of Hyacinth’s car. “Alright, she’s here. I love you, have fun.”

“Love you too dad!” Giving him a final squeeze, she turned and walked out the door, Cullen behind her. “Hey thanks again Hyacinth.”

“No problem! The girls are super excited, and you look like you could use a weekend to yourself.” Opening the door for Jessica, Hyacinth turned and sighed, “if you need anything…”

“I’m fine. Thank again. Let me know if she wants to come home early. I’m going to go lay down and stay in for the weekend.” Sighing he ran his hand through his hair before waving to Jessica, plastering a smile to his face. “Tell Alistair I said hi.”

“Will do. Take care hun.” Nodding Hyacinth got back into her car and took off. Cullen dragged his feet as he went back inside and up to his quiet apartment. Shutting the front door, he threw the lock closed and instantly began disrobing. Stripping piece by piece he plodded straight to his bed. Throwing himself down he cuddled into the blankets and within a few moments was fast asleep.


	10. Light Reading

He woke around nine in the morning, “I must have been tired.” He groaned as he rolled up out of bed and shuffled off to the bathroom. Turning the shower to as hot as he could handle, he stepped in. Letting the heat roll off him in waves he sighed. There wasn’t much to do if anything other than to eat, tidy his clothes and then to settle into the couch. He promised Bull he’d read that book and best to get it out of the way early. Scrubbing he felt better, cleaner and a bit more alert.

Drying off he dressed and soon was in the kitchen whipping up a small breakfast for himself. Sitting at the table he took his time. When he was done, he put his plate in the sink and went to the hall closet. Grabbing his jacket, he tugged free the black covered softcover book. 

Fluffing a pillow on the couch he changed his mind. Grabbing his cell phone, a water bottle and the book he headed to his bed. Curling up in a pile of pillows he felt relaxed and comfortable. Flipping the cover over, he caught the short note written inside, “please. Finish this and then, can we talk? Everything will be explained in these pages. I hope.” Signed Diana Trevelyan. 

Pausing a moment, he drew in a deep breath before he flipped the page. It was the usual letter of dedication, but something caught his eye. “Inspiration for beautiful things and sweet love stories are rare. Rarer still when they hit closer to home. My wish is for everyone to be lucky enough to find their own story.” Again, shaking it off he began reading. 

It was a story about a lonely writer who had lost the urge to write and decided to go out. Out to her niece’s school bake sale where she met a man. Cullen chuckled several times and felt the heat curl up his neck as Diana described this man. “He sat there, on his stool with a bright, friendly grin upon his lips. There was something God like about him that he radiated a field around him. Positive energy and raw power. His golden blonde hair was smoothed back in a well-groomed manner, despite the clear two-day growth of beard stretching across his jaw. Along his upper lip sat a delicious ghost of a scar, still pink even though the edges held a tinge of healed over silver. His eyes were perfect orbs of torch kissed caramel; deep and sweet. Her breath nearly caught in her throat when she approached, but somehow she managed to find the courage to speak to this angel upon the earth.” Placing a card in-between the pages he rose and got himself something to eat and checked his messages quickly. Time was dissolving at a rapid rate, and he was only a quarter the way into his book. 

Getting back to it as quickly as he could he was surprised yet intrigued. If this was the story from her side, she sounded much less sure of herself than what she came across as. He had to re-read the scene where she asked him out a second time twice. “She stood at the counter, bottle of wine open and glass filled to the brim, her hand shaking as she picked up the phone. Only to rapidly replace it back upon the cold granite. Snatching the glass, she downed half of the deep merlot before taking in a long breath. What if he says no? What if I’m just not as interesting as I thought I was? She grumbled pacing back and forth before kicking her high heels off. Damnit just do it. Gingering flipping the phone over she wrote it out once, twice, deleting it all and stepping back. Keep it simple, playful and just do it! Taking another long dredge from the glass she quickly typed it out. Years of writing made the effort a simple one, and before she could change her mind, she fired it off. Grabbing the bottle, she quickly refilled her glass before more pacing ensued.” He remembered how he felt, nervous and unsure but he couldn’t believe she was equally flustered. Reading along for some time he got a feel for what she went through in those days, how she felt. When he got to the offer to skate, he paused. “Inspiration struck at random times and being unable to commit word to page in nearly a year the words flowed like air from her lungs, smooth and practiced. Each one more fluid and easier than the last. By the time she leaned back to inspect her work it was nearly three in the morning and she’d been writing since two in the afternoon. Scrubbing her eyes, she laughed. ‘My editor is going to kill me’, she shrugged as she formatted the file to pdf and sent it off. Part of her thought she was being selfish, taking her budding romance and immortalizing it into something shared. How would he react? That was something she didn’t want to think about, didn’t want to have to deal with having not slept. Washing and preparing for sleep she set an alarm. She’s at least message to cancel their lunch. Sleep was important. It would take her editor at least a day to get through her novel anyways. Tucking herself in she sighed, tomorrow Colin, definitely tomorrow.” 

Leaning back in his chair he closed the book, his finger in between the pages. Had he read the entire situation all wrong? Opening it back up he continued to read. Things didn’t unfold as they had at the skating rink, not exactly but he couldn’t argue with her version either. “Arriving later than she wanted to she caught him slowly performing circles on the ice, hands in his pocket as he checked his footwork, a soft furrow upon his brow. He was gorgeous in the bright light of day, the sun cascading down over him turning his blonde hair into a radiant crown of pure spun gold. There was a dusting of colour about his cheeks, and when he looked up to catch her, she felt like for a moment she couldn’t breathe. ‘Hey, you are planning on joining me or watching?’ His baritone voice sent shivers up her spine as she struggled to get her skates on. ‘Soon as I master this.’ She nervously chuckled back as she tucked some of her fallen hair back behind her ear. Several sharper tugs and she was satisfied with the tightness of her skates. Tying them off she took a baby step forward to get onto the rink’s surface. ‘I’ve got you,’ he took her hand and sparks flew through her, causing her to mis-step. Slipping she was certain she was going to land upon the ice, making a fool of herself. Only to be caught up in his strong arms, thick cords of muscle held her tight to his equally chiseled chest. With her hands braced against his stomach she could feel the defined abs his open jacket was hiding under his thick sweater. ‘I… uh…’ her words died out upon her lips as he glanced at her lips. To kiss him, here and now would be a dream come true. Leaning in she was stunned when he met the distance.”

“That’s not exactly how it went,” he cleared his throat feeling the heat rising about the collar of his shirt. “Hard defined abs hmm,” running his hand over his stomach it was one of the few things he’d managed to keep doing during everything; his exercises. Eating better had helped but it was truly his own vanity that spurned him forward. He desperately did not want to be that dad. The one that wore the over sized and ill fitted sweat pants to any school function. No, he wanted to present the best him he could, no matter the situation. “She… I think I’ll finished this before I message anyone.” 

Several hours later he got to the part where the school play arrived. “He’d promised to save her seat, that’s what started this entire adventure. Now was the day. He’d told her that while he had trepidations about it, his daughter was excited. This was to be their first outing as a couple. Checking herself over in the mirror she changed her dress three times. ‘Too sparkly. Not sparkly enough. This…’ smoothing out the material of her crimson red tea length cocktail dress she spun to the left then the right. ‘Needs something.’ Digging through her closet she found what she needed; a glittery belt. Wrapping it around her waist she tied it off in a pretty bow before grabbed a pair of drop earrings. ‘Hurry up, gotta get there.’ Swiping her lipstick and clutch she raced to her car. Getting across town was easier and quicker than she’d expected. Finding a parking spot, she held her long dark petticoat tight as she rushed into the building. Once inside she calmly walked to the gymnasium, and there he was. Maker he was a sight. Colin was easily over six feet tall, with broad shoulders and she was half swooning. He looked proper in a cable knit sweater, the neck left open with a pair of dark cut boot cut jeans. ‘Hey you,’ he wore a lopsided smirk, the subtle scar over his lip preventing a proper smile but in itself brought a charm few could deny. ‘Hey,’ returning his smile she walked over to where he was and sat in the seat next to him.” 

Pausing again he grinned, it just so happened he owned a cable knit sweater. Setting the book down he went to rise but something nagged at him. “How does she end this story?” Looking back at the book he grabbed his phone from his pocket. “The play starts at six pm. Chairs start to fill up at five-thirty. Meet me in the gym. We can talk after, I promise.” Sending it to Diana he chuckled. He might have been wrong, but maybe she could be right. 

Pacing off to the bathroom his body was stiff from sitting for so long. Grumbling under his breath he decided on another hot shower. It was already late in the day and he knew Jessica would be home early tomorrow. Letting the hot water run over his body he began to feel better. Grabbing the shampoo, he scrubbed and massaged his head, feeling the headache begin to leave him. Stepping out of the shower he decided to tend to a few items while Jessica was away, and before he could dedicate himself to the remainder of the book. Pulling Jessica’s gift out from hiding he wrapped them all and set them back. 

Heading into the kitchen he pulled out some leftovers and made himself something eat, checking the time again he noticed it was nearly six at night. “I did promise to relax today,” he chuckled as he settled into the chair at the table and began to work through his meal. 

As he ate his mind wandered over the book so far. Part of him was curious as to how the book ended. How did she see things going forward? Grinning he remembered the other books from the famous artist, Varric Tethras. Almost everyone of them ended in some form of smut. His fork nearly hit the plate when he thought of that. “Hmmm,” turning to look back at the book he paused. “Finish then get ready for bed and read the rest.” 

Following that thought he ate his fill, then tidied up the few dishes. Plodding down to the bathroom he brushed his teeth and then returned to the living room to grab his book. Stripping down he crawled into bed and cracked the book open to were he was before. “Settling into their seats it wasn’t long before the play began. Peeking out the corner of her eye she watched as he queued up his cellphone to record his daughter when she came out. Slowly as the house lights fell, she placed her hand on his knee. Instantly he gasped and looked over, his cheeks rouge even in the dim light. 'I can stop if…' 

'No. Don’t.’ As he replied she caught the slow bob of his Adam’s apple as the tension began to bleed from him. Pressing her side into him she let out a soundless breath.” 

Readjusting his pillows, he grinned. It was sugary sweet, the joyful fluff that made the season extra special and he loved it. Flipping the page, she continued, an in-depth take on the school play, a retelling of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas, his daughter playing Cindy-Lou Who. Several times he caught himself smiling, the occasional chuckle listing past his lips. The concert ended in her version with plans for the weekend, his literary daughter off at a friend’s. Again, he felt like he was reading her most inner though as the story wound down.

“Heated steam filled the bathroom as she washed and lathered away the grime from her workout. Dinner. At one of the nicest restaurants in town. He’d protested initially, being lower in income he was concerned about her paying for the evening. 'Don't worry about it,' she’d played it off knowing his situation. 'I still like you no matter your pocket book.’ When his face lit up, she could have kissed him again. But tonight, had to be special and when they parted from their lunch Friday she was beyond excited. 

First thing she did was go shopping. Picking out a new pair of shoes, a new dress, getting her hair and nails done was critical to her. Everything had to be perfect. Now getting out of the shower she began to ready herself, a full two hours before she needed to. Everything was laid out, neat and organized upon her bed. Dressing she checked herself over several times before she went about her hair. Applying some styling products to her coils she drew two sections back from her face and into a high pony tail. Tucking and twisting she added a jeweled broach to it. Checking herself again she was content. 

Heading back into the bathroom she began working her make up. Another thirty minutes late and she was ready.”

Cullen ran his hand over his face. Sharp stubble jabbed at him. “I should shave.” Seeing the slight tremble in his hand he grabbed his phone. “Hey Dorian, do you know anyone that does hair and shaving open on a Sunday?” Checking the time, it was a little before nine. In a few moments his phone chimed, “I have a personal barber I can make a call to. He does house visits. Everything alright?”

“Just in dire need of a shave and can’t. Figured if I’m paying for a shave, might get my hair taken care of too.” He didn’t have to wait long for a response. “I messaged him. He can come to your place tomorrow morning 10 am. He’s been paid and you’re getting the full treatment. I’ll be over with coffee. Good night!” Laughing out loud Cullen set his alarm and placed his phone on charge. Settling back into bed he continued to read. Dinner went off without a hitch, and afterwards she invited him back to her place.


	11. Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NSFW ahead you have been warned!

Cullen drew in a deep breath as he turned the page. “Colin was ever the gentleman; opening doors and waiting politely but that wasn’t the side of him she wanted to see. Pouring too glasses of champagne she grinned, 'to a successful Christmas play and an incredible young talent.’ Winking she loved the playful grin that painted his lips. 'To a wonderful meal with an incredibly smart and beautiful woman.’ Pressing the glass to his lips he took in a mouth full. Following suit, she came around the granite topped island, glass in hand. Swaying her hips as she moved there was a thrum of excitement that settled low as his eyes were instantly drawn to them. Drinking down nearly half the flute she set it on the edge of the counter as she closed the distance to him. He mimicked her movement, drinking down the bubbly contents of his glass before placing it upon the counter. Words weren’t needed, even with so much left unsaid between them. 

His hand reached for her, easing her between his legs as he sat at the bar stool. ‘I…’

‘Shh,’ she placed her finger over his lips, cutting off any complaints he might have. ‘I want to. I want you.’ Leaning into him she relished the feel of his heated hands upon her hips. Hovering just a breath away from his lips she paused. ‘Do you…’

‘Maker yes,’ his words needed nothing more as one of his hands left her hip to cup her jaw and pull her into him, sealing his need again her lips. Sweet, tangy champagne danced along his tongue, swirling and mixing against hers.”

Clearing his throat awkwardly Cullen paused, feeling the heat rush low. “Maker’s breath.” Glad that Jessica wasn’t home tonight he picked up the book again, continuing where he left off, his cheeks blazing. “Skimming her fingertips over the exposed skin of his neck up into his head caused him to shiver under her. But there wasn’t enough contact, enough of him against her. With the heat from his palm against her cheek she melted into him. Releasing his hair, she broke the kiss long enough to tug his shirt free from his waist and over his head. There was a moment, a brief pause, a pleading look in his eyes as she finally got to see what laid beneath. He was contoured like a god, muscle firm and taut beneath his skin. Flecks of golden spun hair dusted his pecks and darkened as it trailed lower. She swallowed hard, her breathing already hard in anticipation. ‘Down the hall, door on the left.’ 

For a moment she thought she’d confused him, his shirt still tight in her fist. When he reached for her, she let out a startled shriek, only to earn a rumble of a chuckle. In his strong arms, he carried her down the hall, her legs wrapped about his hips. Twice he paused, pressing her back against the door to lavish her lips with such affections that she was near certain she was drunk. There was a power to him, raw and primal feeding off her, driving her high as the heat continued to a boiling point between them. 

Yet even in his eagerness he was gentle. Placing her upon the bed with a reverence she’d never experienced he continued to kiss her, tracing the edge of her jaw with his lips, down her to her neck where he nipped and sucked, ever attentive to the sounds that she made. ‘Colin…’ she moaned his name as she struggled to reach for the zipper to her dress. Instantly he followed her efforts and with her leaned against his chest he pulled it down, teasingly, far slower than she wanted in that moment. With a wicked chuckle in her ear he started again. Kissing down her neck, following the fabric as he peeled it down her body, revealing inch by sinful inch of her skin.”

Again, Cullen paused feeling the throbbing between his own legs. “Damn…” closing his eyes all he could picture was her, under him, his lips at her throat as she sighed and mewled with delight. Groaning he threw his head back against the pillow. ‘We leave a piece of ourselves in every bit of our work.’ Dorian’s words swam through his brain. “She… She wrote this with me in mind.” Cracking the book open again he took in a few deep breaths in hope they would calm the raging fires of his belly. 

“With her dress discarded to the floor, he wore a smirk wide enough to threaten the health of his ears. ‘You are beautiful,’ he purred as he hooked his fingers into her panties. Repeating the same, blissfully torturous pace he pulled them free. As she worked at the clasp of her bra, he began to unbuckle his pants. Crawling up the bed she opened her side table, ‘here,’ she waved the foil wrapper a gleam in her eyes. 

Sliding his pants to the floor he grinned and closed the distance, snatching the condom from her hand. Kissing her again she caught the sound of the condom wrapper as he worked to remove it from its bright package. ‘Ah!’ She wasn’t expecting him to have a hand free, nor for them to touch her. Arching her back she closed her eyes and bathed in the sensations flowing through her as his fingers danced up her thigh, parting her and teasing her swollen nub. Gripping his shoulders, she bucked her hips, eager for him to hurry. ‘Please,’ she begged wantonly as he crawled up the bed to settle between her legs.”

Again, he struggled to read it the throbbing now intense and nearly painful. Would it be wrong to finish himself while reading this? Not that he hadn’t read smutty literature before and stroked himself to his end, but this was different. This felt less like a book and more like a secret confession. Her words upon the pages meant to be more than a story, and more like a prayer. Soft and hidden from the eyes of the unknowing but to him, raw, bare and tangible. It was her diary and she’d given it to him, trusted him. 

But the ache was there, hard and painful. He needed it. Reaching below the sheets he wondered to himself if she did the same thing. If she found, her own writing to be as intense as he did. Pulling himself free of his boxers he slid his hand over his length, holding the book in the other, he continued. 

“Circling her entrance, he teased her, dipping himself in barely satisfying the need that was burning inside of her before leaving her empty. ‘Please,’ she finally begged again, needing him, craving him. His chuckle was warm, and deep as he pushed into her, leaning down to kiss her lips, capture the moan that ripped from her lungs as he entered her. Inch by antagonizing inch he took his time filling her, stretching her walls around him. Both panted at the sudden feel, the bliss of being cloaked in each other. 

His motions were smooth, slow at first. Teasing and testing as his hands and lips tried to touch every bit of skin. Where she moaned, he seemed to take note and return at the right moment to bring her higher. With her fingers coiled about his hair she rolled her hips against his, her teeth digging into the soft flesh of his bottom lip. ‘Colin!’ Again, she uttered his name as he rolled one of her nipples between his fingers. It wasn’t going to last, it couldn’t but Maker did she wish it would. Feeling herself tip towards the edge she let out a whimper before Colin snapped his hips forward twice more and her vision tinted black. 

Held tightly in his arms as she plummeted through the abyss of stars, she could feel him pick up his speed, chasing his own end. With a guttural grunt his head fell forward, his brows knit together as his trembled and shuddered inside of her.”

Cullen grunted as he finished hot and thick over his fist, dripping down himself. “Fuck,” he uttered as he reached into his bedside stand, retrieving a towel. Placing the book back down he closed his eyes tight again. There were maybe a dozen pages left to read and it was nearly one in the morning. With the euphoria lingering over him, he felt the need to sleep beginning to settle. Slipping the page marker back in the book her rolled over and nearly instantly slipped into a deep sleep. 

Sleeping in, he plodded off to the shower, his dreams plagued by the words on the pages. As the hot water washed over him, he realized he missed the most important part of any book; the last few pages. Scrubbing and washing he knew he was due for Dorian to be over with his hair dresser soon. With precious little time left he hurried through his usual washing. 

Grabbing his book, he struggled to get his underwear over his hips as he read the last couple pages. “Cleaning up Colin stood in the pale light of the bathroom, glancing over at the naked form of Diana as he debated his next move. ‘Colin, stay the night. Please.’ She sighed running her fingers over her stomach, she patted the bed beside her. ‘I don’t know…’ he hesitated, and she sat up. ‘Colin this was more than a one-time thing for me. I… I really like you. A lot.’ 

‘Oh!’ He half stumbled back before he let out a long, slow breath of air he didn’t realize he was holding. ‘I am so glad to hear you say that.’ Crossing the room, he sat on the bed next to her, reaching for her he cradled her in his arms. ‘I didn’t want to seem like I was moving too fast but, you make me feel things. Things I haven’t felt in a long time. I… I enjoy your time, your energy; you.’ He sighed it out like a prayer to the heavens and she didn’t want it to stop. ‘Me too.’ She purred as they cozied into the bed. ‘I don’t know how this will work but I want more than anything to try.’

‘Me too.’ He replied as sleep settled over them both. Come morning they could talk and work through things but for now, there was peace on earth.”

Cullen couldn’t stop smiling at the last words. Flipping to the back his eyes shot wide. There was a hand-written note from Diana. “Please, forgive me. I haven’t been sparked by true love, ever. When I saw you that day in the gym I knew. I just knew there was something more about you. More than just a couple delicious cookies. I wanted to know you better and after the first coffee, I was set. You’re it. Whether that makes sense or it’s still within reach, I don’t know. That lays with you. I just hope this makes sense now that you’ve read it. It’s the rough draft and the editor is changing Colin to Cullen. Please, message me. Either way, I just need to know what you think. Please.” 

He was glad he’d sent her the message and now more than ever he was excited for the play. Excited for what may come after. Smiling wide he barely had time to put the book down before the buzzer went. “Dorian.” Letting them up he ran his hand down his face. It’d been nearly two weeks since he’d shaved, and he was done with the scruffy look. Opening the door, he welcomed the two men inside, Dorian carrying a paper bag and tray of coffee. “I’m Felix. Pleased to meet you,” the young, fresh faced man held his hand out for Cullen, and they shook. “What were you looking to do?”

Dorian scurried about setting up, seemingly from memory and soon Cullen was sitting in a chair, a cape over him. “I’d like to get rid of this scruffy look. Trim the hair back to a respectable length. I…”

“I know what to do,” Dorian smirked as he leaned in and whispered into Felix’s ear. Both nodding Dorian waved his hand, “don’t worry about a thing. We’ll have you looking like a proper lady killer within an hour. Not that you have anywhere to be in an hour.”

“Jessica will be back in less than two.” Cullen tried to scowl but Felix was already set up and beginning to trim the hair from his cheeks with an electric buzzer. Relaxing and letting Felix work Cullen continued to think over the books. ‘She wants more than a couple dates, she’s in love with me.’ He clued in as Felix began edging out his face. Mindful not to move as the razor kissed the edge of his beard line, up about his cheek bones he knew what he wanted to do; what he had to do. “After I finish this, we’ll get you to take a peek at it. Let me know if it’s something you like, or you want to change it up.” Felix offered as he continued his work. 

As Felix finished his face, Dorian held up a large hand mirror, “I think it’s quite dashing. Personally.”

“I…” Turning his head from side to side he had to admit it looked very neat, more his perfectionist style. Felix had tamed his unruly beard, taking the length down to mimic a day’s worth of growth while giving him a sharp defined hair line. “I like it.” Running his hand over his cheeks he tilted his chin up. “Don’t worry about that. We’ll clean you up proper. Just want to be sure you like it first.” Felix nodded as he began setting up a small machine, pouring a clear liquid into a tank. “I’m going to steam your face, apply a mask and finish shaving you. I’ll be using a straight razor, so I will need you to remain still.” Felix pushed a button and the machine started up, it’s motor a low hum adding to the ambient background noise. Cullen nodded and handed the mirror back to Dorian who was working in tandem with Felix. Relaxing best he could into the chair he closed is eyes. 

Over the next hour Dorian and Felix worked to pamper Cullen. Steaming his face, applying a pore cleansing peel off mask, waxing his eyebrows, trimming them to shape as well as his ears and nose. Cullen handled it all in stride, Dorian promised to make him look perfect for tomorrow. Tomorrow was critical. Finally, as Felix applied a bit of pomade to Cullen’s hair Dorian clapped. “You look marvelous!” 

“Can I see it now?” Cullen held his hand out for the mirror. Drawing in a deep breath he slowly brought it up to his eyes and looked over himself. His hair was trimmed back short on the sides and back, blended to a slightly longer crop of hair on top of his head. The pomade smoothed his naturally curly hair back. His skin looked bright and fresh, his eyebrow neat but not overly done. Running his hand over the side of his head, feeling the fuzzy softness, he smiled wide. “I love it. Thank you so much Dorian!” Cullen got off the chair and wrapped his arms around Dorian. “Anything for a dear friend and my best man.”

“I’m glad you enjoy it as well.” Felix chuckled as he began packing up his tools and cleaning up the mess. “Just leave the mess, I’ll sweep and tidy. Thank you.” Turning Cullen held his hand out and gave Felix a firm shake. “You are very good at your work.”

“Here,” Felix quickly flicked out his hand, a business card tucked neatly between his fingers. “Any referrals are greatly appreciated. There’s a website you can go to as well to add a comment.” With Dorian’s help the two were quickly packed back up and heading to the door. Thanking them both Cullen turned and tidied up the little bit of work before he checked himself over again in the bathroom mirror. Hearing the click of the front door he calmly strolled to greet Jessica. “Dad, I had a… Dad!”

“Come on in, we’ve got a lot to talk about.”


	12. Published

Pacing back and forth in the front hall he wrung his hands, checking and double checking his hair he finally let out a long breath. “Are you ready to go?”

“One-minute dad.” Jessica yelled before coming out of the bathroom. “I had to grab a couple things.” Smiling she held up a small purse. “We’re supposed to bring our own hair stuff.”

“Alright, best hurry we can’t be late.” Pulling her jacket down he handed it to her before following her out the door, locking up as they went. Rushing to the car he brushed the soft dusting of snow from the windshield before getting in. “Are you ready?”

“I’ve practiced all I could. I think I can do this.” Jessica nervously fidgeted with the fingers of her gloves. “I just really hope you like it.”

“I’ll love it. My precious angel is in it.” Reaching back, he squeezed her knee. “Deep breaths, you can get a quick practice in before it starts. We’re pretty early.” 

Travelling down towards the school the night was setting in early, winter taking full grip of the days and the dampness waning to icy air. Pulling into the parking lot he quickly found a spot and settled in. Jessica was quick to rush to the school’s front doors and push through, Cullen racing behind her. “Go to Ms. Montilyet’s class room.” A tall woman smiled as she arched a brow at Cullen. “You are early. A good chance for Ms. Jessica to calm and practice.”

“It was her idea. Thank you, Ms. Pentaghast. I’m looking forward to it myself. May I?” Motioning towards the gym she nodded. “Mr. Pavus and his partner are already inside with a few others. Please, enjoy the show.”

Heading into the gym there were few people about. Instantly Dorian waved him over. “Glad you could make it.” He smiled and offered a hug, which Cullen easily accepted. “How are you feeling?” Bull patted his shoulder as the group took their front row seats. Taking his jacket off Cullen draped it over the chair next to him, “I think I figured things out.” Smiling he leaned back, stretching his legs out and settling into the shorter, plastic chairs. “Physically, I don’t think I’ll ever be alright. Part of me isn’t happy with it, and I know one day I’ll adapt, but it is what it is. I know I need more than what I have.”

“Glad you figured it out.” Bull chuckled as he leveled his gaze to the gym doors. “Looks like you made the right call too.”

“Maker…” Cullen nearly gasped as he saw her walk in. It was the same dress from the book, but oh how it was understated. Words failed him as he let his jaw slacken. “Cullen,” Dorian jabbed him in the side. “Close your mouth before you attract flies.”

“Right, sorry.” Composing himself he turned back to Dorian, “can you hold these two seats? I need to speak with her.” Seeing Bull wave him off, he straightened his posture and calmly walked towards her. When her eyes finally found his, he felt his heart jump out of his chest. There was a quiet power and a subtle beauty to her that he hadn’t noticed before. She was more human, more real to him today as he crossed the span between them. “Hey you,” he grinned. “Can we take a minute to talk?”

“Please.” Her voice barely croaked it out as he led her into the hall. Walking a brief way, he ducked around a corner leading to a long row of lockers. “I read your book. It’s very well written and…”

“While appreciate the compliment on my writing skills, that’s not why I gave you the book.” Her cheeks were red as she fiddled with her bracelet. “I see you’re wearing a cable knit sweater. I nearly choked on my air.” Tucking a free strand of hair back from her face she cleared her throat awkwardly. “So…”

“I think I misread the whole thing, and I’m not talking about the book.” Cullen reached forward, taking her hand in his, halting her nervous fidgeting. “I wanted to apologize for how I reacted. It was in haste and I should have given you the chance to explain.” Swallowing hard he could feel the nerves shimmering through his spine, making his belly roll and quiver. “I really enjoy spending time with you, and I want to continue to spend time with you.” He kept his eyes trained on her as she shuffled back and forth upon her feet up till his final words. “You… You do?” 

“Yes. Jessica and I spoke before the show. We’d like to invite you out to dinner after the play.” His mouth felt like cotton, all courage bled from him and as he nervously waited for her reaction. Time seemed to hold still as he waited what felt like an eternity. Even if it was only but a breath. “Yes. I’d love to.” The smile that stretched across her lips echoed within his heart as instinct washed away reason. Pulling her into himself his paused only a split second to search her eyes. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that she didn’t want it as much as he did. Her eyes instantly flickered to his lips as her breath caught in her chest and he smirked. Feeling the power, the raw connection between them before he closed in. 

Sparks. Bright vibrant electric heat flowed through him as he melted into her body. His lips against hers was a moment he didn’t realize he needed or missed. It had been so quick at the skating rink, so painfully short and now he could enjoy it. Burn it into his memory. “The doors will be opening in five minutes, please have the first act ready in the wings.” Over the intercom Ms. Pentaghast’s voice cut their moment short. Pulling back Cullen sighed, “come on, we don’t want to miss the show.”

“Wait!” Diana snickered as she dug into her clutch. “I… there’s some lipstick on your lips.” Giggling she pulled a wipe out and carefully dabbed at his lips and chin. “There. Much better.”

“Thank you,” holding his arm out he led her back down the corridor and to their seats. Settling in he winked at Bull who not so subtly flashed him a thumbs up. Chuckling under his breath he waited for the house lights to drop before he reached for her hand. Taking it in his he smiled as the soft gasp that came from her. 

The curtains rose and there standing at a table were two children. They spoke a mix of the Muppet’s opening dialogue with some silly changes before the curtain fell again and opened shortly after to a choir. Between them a blank white sheet lit with lights. A shadowed male figure walking with a cane splashed across it as they sang a song. Cullen smiled seeing Jessica in the second row, belting the tune out with the rest of them. At the end of the song the curtains fell again before opening to Scrooge at a desk. Again, the typical scene played out.

Another musical bit with Bob Cratchit played out and the curtains closed. They we’re outside Scrooge’s house and the narrator came out with a flashlight held under his chin, “remember Jacob and Robert Marley were dead to begin with. For those with sensitive souls and tender hearts be wary of what is to come.” 

“Wonderful,” Dorian half clapped, and Cullen nodded. Scrooge arrived at his door and Cullen watched in awe as the boy went up to the door, blocking it from view before he backed away in horror. The once inanimate door knocker was now the face of another child. In perfect timing with Scrooge’s reaction the boy howled. Several gasps in the audience made it clear the effect worked. As Scrooge stumbled back the spotlight dropped to him and blanketed the stage in darkness. 

“Amazing,” Diana uttered as the curtains drew across. Out came the narrator to discuss what was happening. How Scrooge searched each room and chamber of his house before locking up for the night. Ducking back behind the stage the curtains spread and there was Scrooge sitting by a mock fireplace in his house robe and night cap. 

“This is Rory’s part.” Dorian was so excited as the bells began to ring. First one then another, then the line of room bells began to all chime before they suddenly stopped. Moaning and chains dragging across the floor seemed to come from everywhere. “Scrooge.” Rory’s voice echoed through the gym along with another boy. In a plume of smoke, he appeared with the other boy, and his costume was impressive. 

They spoke their lines before the music began to play and the boys sang their song. At the end Scrooge ran to the window and the curtain fell. When it rose again the stage was full of children in ghost costumes, a morose song wafted through the speakers as they preformed a dance. Cullen beamed with pride as his daughter spun and twirled, his costume perfect for the bit. 

Then the curtains fell again. “For he shall meet the first ghost when the bell tolls one.” The narrator’s voice echoed out. Again, the curtains rose and Scrooge lay upon a bed just at a bell chimed one. Jumping with a start Scrooge paced about. 

Soon another child came on stage and did a speech. As Scrooge took the child’s hand the curtains fell. In a brief moment it rose. There where desks and kindergarten children at them. Again, the scene played out and before long they had finished with that ghost. 

Cullen could see Dorian was eager to see the next ghost. Leaning over Dorian smirked, “I made this costume too.” As the bell chimed twice Scrooge’s character was alone, a spotlight upon him as he wept on a chair. Soon joyful music filled the room. Slowly building to a roar as the ghost of Christmas present appeared. 

He explained who he was before he pointed to the window on the back of the stage. Changing scenes Scrooge stood out by the front as the stage was filled with children in bright costumes. His daughter in her sugar plum fairy costume was spinning away as they sang. 

There was a sense of pride seeing her and a sense of loss. She wasn’t his little girl anymore. She was becoming her own person. Diana shocked him when she squeezed his hand. “She’s beautiful.” 

“Thank you,” he choked the words out before the play continued on. With both Rory and Jessica’s parts done he felt better. She seemed relieved too. As the show came to an end the entire cast came out and sang their final song. Cullen instantly stood and clapped as the crew took their bows. 

“They were amazing! Stars in the making!” Dorian had to half yell over the clapping and the cheering. “I am buying a dozen copies! At least.”

“You would Kadan,” Bull chuckled. “Getting out of here will be quite the feat.” Sighing he motioned towards the door, a line up already forming. “No rush.”

Cullen could have cared less. Wrapping his arms around Diana he watched for Jessica as the curtains fluttered, signs of people moving about. Shortly Rory and Jessica came bounding out. “Did you see us?” Rory beamed as he held his costumes. “Absolutely!” Bull grinned. “You hungry?”

“Starving.” Jessica sighed dramatically, clutching her dress to her chest. “Can we go dad?”

“If we can fight through the crowd then we’ll get out.” Cullen looked about and grinned. “Is there an exit on the stage?” 

“You wouldn’t!” Dorian chuckled as Bull and Cullen nodded to each other. “Amatus!”

“What?” Bull snickered as he and Cullen calmly walked up to the door next to the stage. Jessica hopped up and walked behind the curtain. Opening the door, the party of 5 slipped in. Through the murky lighting of the back-stage Jessica and Rory guided them to the exit. Popping out into the hall they went out the back doors. 

It was a chilly night, but all were happy for the relief from the oppressive heat of the gymnasium. After bidding good night to each other Cullen, Diana and Jessica got to their cars. With the restaurant already picked out they headed out. “She said yes, right dad?”

“Yay, she did.” Grinning wide he started towards the restaurant. “You were amazing kiddo. I’m so proud of you.” 

“I’m proud of you too dad.” Jessica grinned as she played with the glittery skirt. “I’m starving.”

“We’re here.” Parking he caught Diana waiting in the front lobby. “You sure about this kiddo? I won’t if you aren’t.”

“Dad. Let’s go.” Hopping out of the car she took his hand. “As long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters to me.”

“Love you too kiddo.” Squeezing her hand, they walked through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming along on this ride. It was all supposed to be posted by Christmas day BUT life finds a way. I hope you enjoyed and next Christmas I'll have something more on time... I hope lol. Cheers!


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